A Walk To The River , A Celebration Of Your Life

(I wrote the following yesterday, but never got around to posting it.)

Today, I tried to be gentle with myself, as I felt the weight of your absence more strongly. On this date6 years ago when you took your last breath, in my presence. I wish I was more present foe you in that moment, but instead I was talking with our younger sister. It happen so fast, you seem to be resting and then you were gone. I have been navigating my grief, my grief that is a testament of my love for you. I choose to handle my grief, by continuing to talk about you and celebrate you. So today, me and my girls walked to the river.

The river that you know and loved. You have never taken this path to it. Never walked this way, along this beautiful track, that I have walked so many times with my girls. You never got to see where we live now. To enjoy the amazing view that greets us every time we step outside. But this river, you you did put your feet in it's waters, you did revel in it's beauty. Every time I visit, I feel your presence.

We gathered flowers along the way and my youngest found a large leaf, which held the flowers beautifully. When we arrived, we sat in a circle and we shared our favourite memories of you. My youngest was too young, but my two eldest, they shared their stories. How they used to love to play dress up in your clothes and how you would join them. How you would make them laugh and play with them, read them bed time stories.

I shared my memories, how you were the first person I told when I found out I was regnant with each of my girls. How we would make up dances together when we were little girls. How we went to see Michael Jackson in concert in our teens. How you were always the first person I called, if I needed someone. I still talk to you, only now I don't get to hear your voice, your wisdom, your laughter.

We sang for you. The same song, we sang after your passing, as your body lay in the hospice. How you are the light of the world. Then I took the flowers, that lay in the leaf and I gifted them to the river. The same river, that carried some of your ashes to the sea. Whilst we declared our love for you. Whilst we allowed our grieve to flow freely.

(All photos used in my post are mine, they were taken yesterday.)