Self Motivation

Reality hit me on that day I saw my secondary (high school) classmate at the secretariat where I worked. looking all well and lovely. I quickly hid myself immediately at the sight of her so I wouldn't be seen. I was scared of so many things…. I was scared of being asked what happened,
I was scared of hearing questions like “What university (college) are you in now?
It was supposed to be my year two if I should have been in the university by then, So I hid. I honestly didn't want to be shamed and definitely wouldn't want my classmates to know I was working as an errand girl and above all, I didn't want to be pitied.

Accepting the reality of life of not having it all and not living in comfortability as It used to be wasn't so hard to live on before that encounter. Seeing my classmate covered in beauty and the life I should have been living made me envious because I was just like her a few years before the fall, at that moment I felt the difference between our worlds, and worse of all, I felt like a stranger to myself.

I came out of my hiding when I knew she was gone. It took everything within me not to burst out at that point, I scaled through the rest of my bad day and decided to walk home instead of taking a ride.

It was like mother nature knew exactly what I needed when the rain started. I was free to cry which I did, It was one of the few times I was upset with my Dad for losing it all, I thought just maybe if he should have had a secret safe, things wouldn't have dropped down to square zero.

I knew all my hurts bore down my envy, almost an unreasonable one, bringing my mind to accept reality was the first step, at that same time, I reminded myself how well I'd handled the little responsibilities that came my way and I concluded with “All would be well”.

Although, it didn't take my mind off the thoughts completely, self-motivation helped pull me together, I drew strength from within the my dreams and the visions of the future I hope for myself and everyone around me even with a messy past and a “present”that speaks no possibility of a better life.
At times, our mind is just the remedy for that hurts in our hearts, only if we could accept the reality first before us, and open up to let her speak, it might just be all that we need. It helped me then and its still my biggest motivation now.