I'm full of doubts and conflicting feelings 🤦🏻‍♀️

I added as illustrations a few pictures that I created with the help of AI. They are quite abstract, but they perfectly reflect my condition now. This is a kind of cocktail of optimism, pessimism, realism, which are generously seasoned with a bunch of financial and organisational problems.

My mood is a solid swing. Now I'm optimistic, but in five minutes it seems to me that I made a serious mistake. But then I tell myself again that at any moment I can get everything back as it was. Really, do I lose so much?

But let's get back to the point. So, after a seven-year break, I'm going back to my old job. If you ask me if this break was forced, I will not be able to give you a clear answer. I don't understand. It was a hard time then. My father died, my marriage broke up. And I don't know if I left my job because it was a bad place for me or at that time absolutely any place seemed bad to me.

Now I want to figure it out. I've been working remotely for seven years and it won't be easy. I'm used to freedom. But there's another side to it. I feel like I'm losing touch with society at an alarming rate. It's probably not too good for me. I realise that such a sudden change in the mode of operation will be hard. Including it will be physically difficult. Now I think that maybe I should have agreed on a part-time working week. First of all. But I've already done what I did and I have to immerse myself in it completely. It's a little scary for me. Although no, I'm probably cunning. It scares me a lot.

Could I not have done that? Yes, I could. But the fact is that my lifestyle has reached the limit when the idea that it will remain so scares me no less than possible changes. I've always believed that it's always better to regret what's been done than what hasn't been done. Although, of course, this rule does not apply to all situations. But for such conventionally speaking equal in weight, as those between which I found myself, this applies for sure.

I can always get it back as it is now. It's quite comfortable. My day starts the way I want. I'm my own mistress. But on the other hand, I was probably too inert to use this freedom as it should be. I just locked myself in the framework of my house and yard. It's not very good. Changing jobs, I hope, will help me change my life in a way that I couldn't do on my own. Increasing social and professional activity as the goal of all this. I was too weak to do it without an external incentive, when I don't just want to, but have to.

Approx Let's look at it as a kind of experiment. This view of things helps me not to react too negatively to difficulties. I just say to myself, "Call down. It's nothing more than another life experience. Let's see what happens!"