Key Conversations for Building a Strong Foundation During Courtship
I have learnt over time that during courtship, it's very important to be aware of various aspects of each other's lives, values, and goals to build a strong foundation for a potential relationship. Although I'm not a marriage counsellor, I'm writing this with my experience and what I have learnt from others who had a working relationship that eventually led to marriage. Partners need to be deliberate about what they want and also pay attention to their partner's needs and expectations. It takes two to tangos. One person can't make a relationship work successfully. It requires constant effort from both parties involved.
Below are some things to discuss during courtship.
Share the things that tickle your fancy and the ones that get on your nerves. You both should know the things that make both of you happy and the ones that make you mad. Partners need to know what turns them 'off' and 'on'. It is worthwhile to know that we all have our differences. We don't have the same characters and differ in many aspects. Even twins born of the same parent don't share the same interests nor behave alike. To maintain healthy and long-lasting relationships, partners must endeavour to hear each other out and learn about their differences.
Share your passion and the activities you both love to engage in at your leisure time. During courtship, partners need quality time together to get to know each other more and more. Qualities of time spent together will allow them to share in each other pain and joy. There is this popular saying that if you don't live with someone you can't know their attitude and what they dislike.
-Discuss your family background and Upbringing. Learn about each other's family dynamics, and values, and how they shape your perspectives. It is important to share family information so that partners can learn to value each other and also respect other cultural values and beliefs.
-Explore each other's ambitions, dreams, and long-term plans. To maintain a healthy relationship, dreams and aspirations have to be shared and helped by both parties. A partner shouldn't be a hindrance to each other progress because of selfish interests. There will be time for both partners to agree and disagree but reach a compromise if need be.
-Discuss your moral principles, and religious views, and how they are important to you. What can cause a serious issue in courtship is if the partner shares different relationship beliefs. There should be heart to heartfelt conservation of religious practices and beliefs.
-Understand how you express yourselves, listen, and resolve conflicts. There is this saying that tongue and mouth fight, if someone says there won't be conflict during courtship then they aren't really serious with each other. However, the partner must learn how to resolve conflict amicably.
-Share how you manage emotions, empathize, and support each other. Humans are emotional beings. Partners need to share in each other trying times and bring comfort when the need arises.
Discuss spending habits, savings goals, and financial priorities. Research has shown that what caused most relationships and marriages to crumble is financial obligations. Many of the partners don't plan their finances very well. However, circumstances can also make one's finances crumble. Partners need to seek each other help at all times and discuss ways in which they can stay financially afloat.
-Share significant experiences, what you learned from them, and how they shaped you. No man is an island, we are bound to learn from each other. Partners must always be ready to learn and share knowledge that can be useful for each other during courtship and after.
-Discuss your visions for your life together, including marriage, children, and more. Partners must share some vision if they are to be in harmony with each other. Several kids that partners can afford to raise should also be discussed to avoid disputes that may arise later in the course of taking care of them.
Remember, courtship is a time for mutual discovery and growth. Approach these discussions with openness, respect, and a willingness to learn about each other.