Earned Relevance

Value is not something you chase.

In all honesty, value is not something you chase; it is something you cultivate. A lot of people complain that they are not reckoned with in society or even in their workplace, forgetting that the value you bring forward will determine how you are likely to be treated.
Let us take the home, for instance. Even though a child is expected to respect their parents and pay homage to them at all times, if the parents are found wanting, irresponsible, or lagging in their duties, such a child might not respect them and may even look down on them. It is human nature. It takes the grace of God and strong determination for such a child not to become resentful or openly disrespectful.

Imagine a child fending for himself at a tender age while his parents are still alive. What kind of reaction do you expect from such a child toward those parents?
The workplace and society operate in a similar way. If you are not adding value to an organization, you should not expect people to admire you or want to associate with you. There is a saying in my locality: “Olowo laye mo,” which means that the world recognizes a wealthy person. Although this write-up is not about money per se, the proverb confirms that people find it easier to associate with someone who has something to offer than with someone who brings nothing to the table. It is human nature to be seen with people who are valuable and capable of influencing one’s life positively.

You attract your type.

The truth is that you often attract your kind. It is common to see poor people moving together and sharing what they have, just as wealthy people associate with their own circle. You may claim to be a good person, yet you surround yourself with people who display sheer wickedness in their behaviour.
It is easier to relate with someone whose ideas and values align with yours than with someone whose values clash with yours. That is simply human nature. This is also why some people say, “Do you know who I am?” When confronted by those they believe are beneath them. It reflects a typical human tendency toward status and association.

Do not blame people because you feel abandoned.

Returning to the issue of value, it is easier for people to celebrate or mourn someone who has impacted their lives in one way or another than someone they merely shared a workspace with.
Just because I am a teacher does not automatically make me valuable among teachers in Nigeria if I have not distinguished myself, made my work visible, or positioned myself for collaboration.
I say this because I recently watched a clip about a Yoruba Nollywood actor who passed away. Another actor, who is not particularly popular, expressed surprise that many celebrities did not attend the burial of the late actor in Okemesi. The question, however, is: Are we to blame those celebrities for not showing up? We can not truly know the dynamics of their relationships, affiliations, or circles. It is unfortunate that he passed away at that age, but assumptions do not always tell the full story.

Nobody truly cares about you.

It is important to understand that the world does not necessarily care about anyone by default. People care when you affect them, either positively or negatively. If you remain stagnant, many people may not even notice whether you are alive or gone.

We are remembered where we offer value. If you die today, life will continue. You will only be deeply missed by those whose lives you touched positively. That is life, and there is little anyone can do to change that reality.