You will be missed, @whywhy

Flower picture taken during our joint weekend away last year in Pinos del Valle...

A good friend has passed away recently

He was on Hive as well, I know some of my Hive friends have good contact on Hive with him so I wanted to make sure there was some notification here on Hive that he passed away. I bet soms are wondering where he is, or will be wondering at some point. I'm talking about @whywhy, he passed away a little over a week ago, and we are all still in shock here.

What happened? He went to the emergency department after he had been unwell all day, while helping us unload boxes from the van into his garage. It seemed like he hurt his neck, back and stomach so he said I have to quit and get into bed to rest, I can't do it anymore. My boyfriend returned home, got our daughter to help him with the stuff she could carry and then I stepped in to carry the heavy stuff with him. Meanwhile, his girlfriend watched our baby and spent hours cuddling him while we walked in and out all afternoon.

The phone call that changed everything

Somewhere in the afternoon, he called his girlfriend while she was feeding our son and said he needed to go to the emergency. He sounded very unwell. She finished giving him the bottle and my boyfriend dropped her off at home. We waited for news by phone, fully expecting something like "he hurt his back/neck and has to rest to heal" or something like it. I know back issues can be very very painful even if it's not something that can't be fixed.

But then his girlfriend sent us that he has a dissective aorta and later that it was from the neck down (at first details weren't clear) so we were all in shock and getting more worried. I will leave out the details for privacy reasons but it took another day and a half if I remember correctly (pardon me for being overwhelmed and not being great at timelines at the moment) before they were going to operate on him. A surgery that would start at 8 pm and take at least 5 hours. A plan A was made, as well as plan B. If plan B would be set in motion, it would take until 7/8 AM they said.

Being awake several times a night to feed our son, I told her keep me updated, I will check my phone during the night and so I did, to not get any news until I woke up in the morning because she didn't know anything yet at 4.20 AM (our last chat), the news came at 4.44 AM that all went well and now it was a matter of waiting until he wakes up and if the blood will reach the brain and if there will be no damage. She went home to sleep and returned in that afternoon when the doctors brief the family.

All was ok around the time she was there, hours later she sent me a message that parts of his brain were already damaged and that he would probably be brain dead in a few hours. In shock, that's the best I can say, what do you say to comfort such a kind person who just started a new life with the man of her dreams? I found it hard to find the right words as the whole situation was so unreal and emotionally overwhelming already without this happening. Not much was done after this news, work stopped, everything we planned was put on hold because how the heck did this happen to our friend, a good guy, who had so many plans with his partner and the business plans we had together? WhyWhy is probably a good name, now I think of it!

Emotional days followed, not so nice hours at the hospital for his girlfriend, the day before he died he spent the evening with her there to support her and also to say goodbye to him. He called his parents and friend to give them the opportunity to speak with him while he held the phone to his ears, if they wanted to. Even though they weren't sure if he'd hear it, at least they had the chance to say goodbye this way. I think it was good he did, they all said some things to him and they left the hopsital that evening knowing this probably was the last time as they already came to ask about being an organ donor and started to make arrangements..

Friend for life

He was one of these people that you can call a friend for life, even though you're seperated for years because of moving countries.. He loved being by himself and didn't have many friends or people he wanted to meet up with, he always said that we were an exception and rare because he never really clicks that well with people.

Our friendship started in an inconventional way, but that's how we are, as was he. Even though our quality friendship time was about to start at this very moment that we moved, we can luckily look back at many funny, hilarious and grateful moments that we shared in our time together. I sadly can't share everything with the world, but believe me when I say that we have quite a history and these intense moments bonded us for life. Sadly, his life was way too short, just a little shorter than 50 year :(

How we met

Funnily enough that whole adventure started with him needing volunteers to help him move after his break-up and now our friendship ended with him passing away while he was helping us move back to the region that we met, and where we had plans on building a business together in the near future. How crazy is that? He was one of the big reasons for us to want to back in this region, so we could see him and his new partner more often, and we're all gutted that this came to an end before it even started properly.

In his final days he helped us move to another province

I never got to hug him one last time because the two days of the guys moving boxes in the other home was so heavy on their bodies. So they decided not to come and bring the items to our apartment that Sunday but instead leave the van overnight at our friend's house so that they could move things here on Monday.

I was going to see him on Monday and properly thank him for taking care of our 9 year old when our son was born and hospitalized. They had our daughter for 11 days and were absolute life savers for doing that. I feel guilty for not being able to greet and hug him when they brought her back as I was so ill for a week and didn't want to pass it on to them. Now the last time I saw him was months ago.

Quality time

My boyfriend said even though the move was so extremely heavy, they had many quality hours of chatting together and he learned a lot more about him during these days so he's happy that he got that time with him together. I'm happy for him too, but sad for his girlfriend because I'm quite sure she didn't have any quality time left with him during the last day when they returned, as the next morning things went wrong.

My daughter made this watercolour painting during our joint weekend in Pinos del Valle - this was the house our friends stayed at, looked on from our window..

It feels unreal

Waking up in his girlfriend's home, knowing they started a new life together in a bigger house nearby, with her daughter and now live there together without our friend. I mean, none of us envisioned this the way it unfolded so quickly. I have huge respect for his girlfriend, she's grieving but she's grieving in a healthy way and trying to continue her life, staying in this house they rented so that her daughter is close to her school and I think she's amazing for just getting up and trying to heal herself rather than letting the time stand still.

I know one thing, he's missed by all of us, we think about him daily and it's sad to see another good one go..

We hope you rest in peace, friend, we will be there for your girlfriend..

So much happened in the past months..

I just realized I was never able to continue sharing the birth story of our son but you'll have to forgive me that this loss cut the line because this is what's happening right now, and to process the grief, I must write about it. I've learned that this is the best way to deal with these things, remember, write and reflect ... Once I get some more energy back, I will surely share some more about these intense months as well as the birth story continuation...

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The pictures in this post are my own .. taking on the memorable weekend trip with our friend, his grilfriend and her daughter last year.