The personality I wish to change

Perfection in humans is what we feel exists, but it never truly does. The people we see and believe to be very perfect in everything often have something lacking in them, whether in character or in physical appearance. That is why we sometimes find ourselves admiring others and wanting to be like them, or at least adopt the traits we like in them.

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If I could change one thing in my personality, it would be how philanthropic I am.

I am someone who loves to give a lot, even when I don't have much. I love this trait, but I think its weak side often shows in me because I sometimes find myself completely broke, despite having given out money just yesterday or two days ago.

Being a philanthropist implies that someone is wealthy and has a reliable source of income, so that even when the person gives generously, the impact isn't deeply felt in the source from which the money came.
Since I have the urge to give willingly, I should consider myself a philanthropist( but a poor one). And I can't imagine a poor man being a philanthropist; such a person might end up selling his house just to give the money to others in a bid to end their suffering or earn accolades.

This is one personality trait I would want to change in my life. I want to erase it completely, but sometimes I also think that maybe what I’m doing today is a sign that I will become very wealthy in the future, which I already believe I’m destined for. Maybe I just need a few more years to get there.

My actions today are something that are humanly encouraged because it is always advised to be a source of help to others, especially those struggling to survive.

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The Bible makes it clear that we should be husbands to the widows and helpers of the helpless, and that’s exactly what I am currently doing. But it hasn't been easy because the economy is tough and things have not yet fallen into place for me.

Saying no to people who come for help is always difficult for me. Even when I don’t have the money, if the situation of the person needing help is very critical, I will always find a way to come through for them, even if it means dipping into my life savings. It is something I do deliberately and happily, not because someone is pushing me. But sometimes I wish to reduce it, because I always put others first while ignoring my own needs. That is a very unhealthy way of being a philanthropist.

If it were possible for me to cut it off without feeling bad or having any negative consequences, I would gladly do it.
I have started making efforts to reduce how much I prioritize others over my own life, and it's working gradually. Only that sometimes I still feel I haven’t changed much, based on the evidence I’m seeing.

Thanks!

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