Why is it so hard?

That's what she said

trying to write

Why do I find it so hard to bring myself to write. Once upon a time, I was very prolific, and loved it with a passion, as most writers do. I see everyone just trotting along with life and I know I'm not the only one with issues. I've talked to others about their system, their process, and it sounds so simple.

Writer's Block

I know it comes down to things get better with use, so i sit here, forcing myself to write what comes to mind. Stream of conscious I believe it's called. And honestly, my brain doesn't come up with a lot.

but why

Well, I do tend to think Programmatically, as in programming languages, I've found I even dream in code sometimes. Which I personally find as a boon, but not having an internal "vision" can seriously be a crux. I believe the official diagnosis for it is called aphantasia.

Aphantasia Chart

My creativity has waned with lack of use, and to think I used to Game Master all the time when i was younger, what happened to that spark of ideas. I don't even think I could come up with an adventure in my current mindset.

now what

There is nowhere to go but up. I need to keep trying, even if it's silly experiments and one off stories. The key is to keep at it. Maybe it will come flooding back one day, Then you will never shut me up. :)

I had to try today,
Michael Garcia a.k.a. TheCrazyGM



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Someone I was listening to recently said "you are a product of what you consume" (sadly, I forget who), and I think that's pretty accurate. I watch a lot of videos from other creatives in worldbuilding/GMing space. I read a ton of TTRPG blogs. I look at a bunch of indie ttrpgs and how they've done things... and together it keeps me thinking of new inspiration.

I'm sure, like everything in life, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution, but if you're not consuming the media you want to make, I would start there.

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That's actually pretty good advice. Might be why I think the way I do. (Buried in code a good chunk of the day.)

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haha same dude! My day job is programming, but I try to keep a podcast or youtube vid about D&D or Worldbuilding on as background noise. Sometimes I have to go back after work to re-listen as I can't focus on the media while I'm fixing whatever is breaking (I do a loooot of devops), but it's still nice to have on.

For podcasts lately I've been listening to https://worldbuildingformasochists.podbean.com/

And I bounce around between solo-ttrpg plays on YT and more focused/better produced stuff that is more 5e-oriented (with a bunch of good worldbuilding splashed in) such as https://www.youtube.com/@Mystic-Arts-DM.

There's a ton of great content out there though, but I thought I'd at least send ya what I've really been enjoying recently. Gets you a couple things to start with and see if they resonate.

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I think I'm the one just right of the grey outline. Like I can visualize an apple if I really try, but I mostly don't picture the settings of what I'm reading, or even the characters. I'm often surprised in film adaptations by what character choices were made but when I go back to the text to look, they stuck to canon. (And I'm not one of those people that pictures myself as the MC in everything I read, either. I just don't picture the characters at all.)

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Nice to know there are other people in the world that don't see everything they read. I for the longest time thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger, because you hear about "books taking you to another place" and I never got that, even though I was/am a very prolific reader. I guess I find enjoyment from something else in the story.

I came to realize there are a lot of people that do see themselves as the MC in what they are reading, and so much so that it's a common writing technique to not visually describe the MC, only their feelings etc. (Which is why/how the Twilight books won over so many women)

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I remember as a teenager reading a prolific sci-fi writer who described the technique of not visually describing the MC. So I tried to think about what his characters look like... I knew one was black and one was Chinese because there was a somewhat racist exchange of words between them. Other than that, I had no idea, even for the secondary characters that had been described.

When I first learned about aphantasia it was illuminating, but I realized that I can visualize if I try (and I do dream visually, which I believe is not the case for people with aphantasia).

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