Suffering is not an act of love ooo...

Naija Twitter has been in blazes following the news of the divorce filed by Tuface Idibia to Annie Macaulay (wife or to be ex-wife). The renowned singer of ‘African Queen’ announced the end of his 13 year marriage to actress, entrepreneur and reality TV star, Annie Macaulay.

It might have come as a shock to some people and it might have been something that other people saw coming. The big shock of everything was that the divorce was being filed by Tuface. Annie Macaulay has been known as the long suffering, enduring and ride-or-die wife of Tuface. Tuface’s infidelity has never been news to anybody and it's a wonder why a woman would want to put herself into such situation. Of course, dating a famous star has its cons, as is well known. Their marriage has always had its issues of infidelity, lack of trust and family issues and it seems there has been more rocky grounds than smooth sailing.

When Tuface announced the divorce, there were a lot of lessons to be learnt from it, especially for women. Most women supported Annie saying she had suffered and endured with Tuface for so long, that it was totally wrong for him to be the partner filing the divorce. But the fact is that suffering is not a currency for love in a healthy relationship. We women have somehow been conditioned by society that suffering and enduring all sorts from your husband should be worn as a badge of honor. It's probably why some women took Annie Macaulay to be a strong woman because she suffered a lot in their marriage. I have read a lot of novels (especially African literature) where if a woman was facing issues in her marriage and was seeking solution, what was proffered were phrases like, “Stand with your man”, “You are the woman, you have to hold your house together” blah, blah, blah. These are just equivalent terms to tolerating disrespect, infidelity or emotional absence in hopes that one day their suffering will be appreciated or that their partners would change for the better.

I was once in a situation like this, where I was facing a whole lot of issues like disrespect and emotional neglect from my past relationship. My ex then, was not a physically abusive person. He never hit me or attempted violence but he was verbally abusive. And each word he hurled at me was a chip at my self esteem. It dealt a blow to my mental and emotional health. And even if I looked fine and healthy on the outside, God knows I was a little broken on the inside. It didn't take me long to realize that this wasn't what I wanted for myself. I didn't want to suffer because society thought suffering was an act of love. I didn't want to lose myself in the process of loving someone selflessly. So, I literally packed my slippers and ran from the relationship like the devil was snapping at my heels.

Maybe Annie stayed by Tuface’s side for all those years, neglecting herself and hoping she could fix or save him from himself at her own expense. But in the end, she lost the battle. Tuface’s infidelity has always been an object of public scrutiny and ‘once a cheat, mostly always a cheat’. The probability of him changing was very low and yet she decided to stay with him, probably as an act of love. And I know this idea of fighting for love has been romanticized but love is not meant to be a warzone where you are always fighting all the time. It's not meant to hurt you or diminish you and your self worth and that's where Annie went all wrong. She accepted the love she thought she deserved at the expense of her self respect and peace of mind.

Tuface constantly disrespected her by flaunting his babymamas and their children in her face. This was meant to be a sign for her to walk away, not try harder. There's mostly always no great reward for loving a man at his worst, it seems. And I guess, Tuface's final act of love to Annie was freeing her from the shackles of marriage she had somehow bound herself in. In everything, Tuface and Annie are just humans who have served an example to other humans like them. The details as to why Tuface filed for divorce is not yet known. Maybe, they would find a way to solve their issues amicably or not…