Not That Girl Anymore

Happy Transformation Thursday, Minimalists!

It is with great joy that I write a response to Transformation Thursday's prompt. The first quarter of this year has been really wonderful for me. I wondered why and I just couldn't help but notice some changes that has taken place in and around me. Last week Tuesday, I and two of my friends had a deep conversation during our lecture breaks. Andrew posed a question to I and Anjola. He asked, “What do you like about yourself and what are or once were your bad habits? How much do you think you have changed now?” It was a question that put the three of us into deep thoughts before we could answer.

I used to be that girl who didn't really care about her appearance. I fancied myself a tomboy back then. I didn't use skincare or makeup. I wore clothes that hid my skin and figure totally. Part of the reasons were because I didn't like how I looked. I used to feel really insecure about my weight and body image because people made compliments about me being skinny. Some people even called me anorexic_which I knew for a fact, I wasn't. I rarely did braids or polished my nails. I rarely wore gowns or skirts or lady wears. I made a choice to look like a boy and it was mainly out of necessity.

I used to be that girl who was close minded and not ready to listen to others. I always felt like I was right, that my way was the right way. I never gave room for people to air their opinions and even if they did, I was quick to trash them. I used to be quick to judge and fast to condemn people for their mistakes, even when I know that we are all humans and we make mistakes. I always aimed and asked for perfection from other people, even when I am far from perfect. I chose perfection over progress. I allowed myself little to no room for errors. I used to beat myself up over little mistakes. I used to be quick to cut people off when we couldn't agree on things or when we had different perspectives. I used to be a non-committal person. I wasn't willing to commit myself to people or friendships. Quick to give up, quick to opt out. I used to demand effort from others but wasn't ready to put in effort too. I asked others to introspect, but I hardly looked inwards.

I used to be that girl who wanted to carry the whole world on her shoulders. I hated asking for help from people, even when it was my last resort. I always liked thinking I had everything figured out. I would take on more tasks and responsibilities than I could handle and I was unwilling to let others help with these tasks. I used to be opinionated, mulish, insecure, uncommitted. But this year, I noticed a transformation slowly take place in me. I woke up one morning and made a decision to work towards being a better version of myself. Better than I have ever been.

I have started feeling comfortable in my skin. I take pride in my appearance. I am happier about myself. I dress better, eat better, care for myself better. I am calmer and softer now. And I love the effect. I get more compliments from friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. I feel prettier. I have stopped beating myself up when I make mistakes. Mistakes help me grow and become better. I have become less judgey. I have learnt how to share tasks and responsibilities with other people. I have learnt how to be accountable for my actions. I am slowly learning how to be committed to people, how to apologize, how to stay open-minded. I am gradually learning how to ask for help and how to say ‘No’. Sometimes, I slip backwards. But, I have learnt how to pick myself up and keep forging onwards. I am happy that I embraced the minimalist practice, because how else would I have learnt to declutter emotionally, physically and mentally? I am glad that I am learning how to let go of negative habits and things that tie me down. And I remain steadfast in working towards a better transformation.

Thanks for reading.✨