Dear Girl Child

Dear girl child,

Don't grow up too fast. You are just 7 and the world still holds delights for you. You still look upon this world with wonder in your eyes and excitement in your heart and innocence in your heart. If it was possible, I would tell you to remain a child.

The world will not wait for you to become a full grown adult before it starts pushing burdens on you. You hit your adolescent years and everything starts changing. At the beginning, you can't fully grasp why your body is changing. Why you are growing curves and why your breasts hurt and are always sore. You can't fully comprehend why there is blood on your sheets and why your stomach feels like its innards are crawling out. You don't understand why your crush who wouldn't look at you before, is suddenly attracted to you. Or why men call you fine girl when you run errands for mum. You don't understand why that uncle shook your hands and tickled the inside of your palm. It made you queasy but you can't tell mum cause it probably means nothing and he was just playing, right?

The angst and mood swings hit you in a rush. You don't know why you are angry, you don't know why you are sad. All you know is that, at this moment, you want to be left alone. You have these emotions overwhelming you and you don't think anyone would understand them, so you just try to shove it in the darkest recesses of your mind until one day, your eyes water in public and you start crying.

Adulthood doesn't hold the appeal you think it does. Yeah, adults don't go to school but I tell you, school gives you a sense of purpose. You leave school and when you don't get into your desired career path, when your goals are not achieved or aligning with your timeframe, you feel purposeless. That is one of the worst feelings ever. Thinking you are not doing enough. Thinking you are falling way way behind. At some point, you can't even get the energy to put in the work and effort cause what if it doesn't work out? Or how at work, your team leader wouldn't put in your name for a promotion because you wouldn't “climb the bed” for him. You see the family photo on his desk with his wife smiling sheepishly at him and their daughter in their arms and you wonder if his wife knows what he is looking for outside. You wonder how you are going to foot your bills and you will rather not ask your parents cause you assume they expect you to be financially well off and independent. You want to send gifts and money back home instead. And you feel depressed when you can't do that.

You probably don't know what the country politics is about. You are so oblivious and more concerned with seeing your friend, Zainab at school and playing with her. Don't grow up too fast, take your time. When you grow up, you will understand why Dad always said he will pay for your Indomitable Club outing next week. You will understand why he couldn't pay immediately. You will understand why you stopped seeing a piece of meat on your rice and saw strips of cowskin instead. You will understand why Mum and Dad always ensured to watch the 8pm news without fail. They were probably holding out hope for something good to happen but good news rarely makes waves. You will know why the gen was only put on twice a week and why your elder siblings screamed excitedly whenever “NEPA” brought light once a week. For now, you probably think the generator is faulty.

Don't grow up too fast, dear girl child. The world has changed and is still changing. The pure unadulterated form of infatuation you feel for your crush now will not be regarded in the adult world. Instead, you will be taken for granted. The definition of love now is give and take. I do something for you, you do something back and if we don't stand to benefit from each other, the relationship just wouldn't work. If you want to experience love how you want it to be, with all the mushiness and comfort and softness, if you want to experience love the way you see it in your parent’s touches and gazes, you tend to stay single for a long time. In this world now, no one has time to give the kind of love you deserve. It's just hook-up culture, and lies, and “breakfast”. Your aunties will keep asking when you are going to bring the “man” to see the family. Your mum will never ask you that but you can see the questions and hope in her eyes. You won't know how to explain to her that the world is not how she once knew it and that you are waiting for “the one”. And so you will just smile and tell them soon. Very soon.

Don't grow up too fast, the world will not treat you like you are fragile. It will hit you hard and fast.You are loved at home, but out there, it's cold and no one would offer you comfort. Predators will always be on the prowl, wanting to take and take till you have nothing left to give. You will fight tears and nightmares alone. Your mum wouldn't be there to hug you to sleep. You will hug yourself back to sleep instead. You will toughen up. If it was possible, I would tell you to remain a child. But it is not. So, all I can advise is to take your time growing up. Don’t hurry or yearn for adulthood. Adulthood is not the glamour you think it is. It is tough decisions, cold rainy nights and dark rooms. Protect your inner child. Protect your spark, no matter the cost.