A Flicker of Happiness

As Christian hurried out of the cafe, he looked back at Blue once more. She was still smiling at him, her hands already back to cradling her cup of coffee. He smiled back and soon, he was out. He was swept up in the crowd of New York but he did not fail to get his last glimpse of her.

At work, thoughts of her dominated his mind. He couldn't understand what had happened. This moment, they were strangers just buying their daily coffee and the next moment, they were holding hands and talking about Eleanor and Park. He had always had huge doubts about the concept of ‘love at first sight’. He didn't believe things like that happened. But now, he thought he could almost believe it. For him, it was curiosity at first sight. He wanted to know more about her. He marvelled at the wonder of it all. And all he wanted to do was see her the next day. He hoped she wouldn't forget him or think of him as a random stranger who she had held a random chat with.

”She held your hands. Of course she wouldn't forget you.” He chided himself. But he still hoped.

---

The next morning, Christian rushed to the coffee shop. He had told his secretary that he would be checking in to work late. His heart raced a million miles as he thought of the random possibilities. He might not meet her there. She might have forgotten all about him. But when he got to the cafe shop, there she was. Sitting at the table they had sat at yesterday. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun and she was nibbling at croissants while scribbling in a page. He watched her at a distance but caught himself. He was acting like a total weirdo or like a high school boy who had just seen his crush.

“Hi, Blue.” He said as he slid into the seat across hers. She closed her notepad, looked up at him and smiled_he was blinded in the light of her smile.

“Christian! I was wondering if meeting you yesterday was a mirage or if I had dreamt it up.” She said. Christian smiled to himself. He was happy that he wasn't the only one who had had doubts. He ordered for two cups of coffee according to their preferences and a second plate of croissants which they shared. And they talked about a whole lot of other things while holding hands. They talked about their passions and their interests and what made them, them. She told him that she had moved to New York some months back and was still relatively new. When he asked her why she had moved, “I needed to get away from my dreary life. I needed to get away from my mum and her choking love. I hated my job there too.” She had responded.

Soon, time was flying past and Christian had to go. But they made plans for the next morning. And soon they were meeting almost every morning. Those mornings were always the best part of their days. They looked forward to those mornings. And for each morning they met, their love for each other grew deeper. Christian knew he was blindly falling in love with her. He knew he was rushing headlong into it without precaution but Christian was somebody who always had doubts. And he had misgivings about Blue. He hated to admit it to himself, but there was something about Blue that he couldn't quite figure out. Something wary and shifty. Even though they had talked about a lot of things, she was quite vague about some things. She never talked about the job she had left behind before moving to New York. She never introduced him to any of her friends. And she always didn't want to talk about her past.

Christian liked knowing everything but whenever he pestered Blue to open up about her past, she closed up to him. She always tried to wave it away. So, Christian decided to look into her past by himself. He knew that he was supposed to leave it alone since she didn't want to talk about it. But there was an itch that wouldn't go away the longer he knew nothing. He also knew that he might not like what he found out. He could be making a very big mistake and spoiling what they already had but he went ahead anyway.

---

Mr Darren was a private investigator whom Christian had hired to look into Blue's past. He sat across Christian in the office and placed a brown envelope on the table. He slid it to Christian and Christian picked it up and opened it.

“After a lot of investigation, we found out that her name is Tina Wilson. She had served jail for some time with her crew members for fraud. She probably changed her name and identity to gain a fresh start after she was granted parole.” Mr Darren said

“Fraud?” Christian was shocked. His Blue. His innocent Blue who didn't look like she could commit a single crime.

“Yes, she's not the leader of their crew. But she's the brains. She's the one who helped with the paperwork and came up with some of their schemes. They were caught while they were carrying out one of their big fraud schemes on WebX.” Mr Darren added.

Christian shook his head in amazement. He didn't like what he was hearing. And now he was no longer sure about Blue_or rather Tina. What if he was just one of her targets that she could defraud? What if everything was a sham? This news was beginning to eclipse the joy he was feeling ever since he had met her. He wondered how he was going to talk to her about this. He sighed.

“Thank you, Mr Darren. You will be rewarded handsomely for this.” He stood up to shake hands with the investigator, then walked out.

---

Christian watched as Blue picked up the envelope in her small hands. He could see the way her eyebrows were knitted together in puzzlement. He watched her scan through the papers and he could see her eyebrows bunching together more. She was furious. For the first time, Christian was seeing her angry.

“Why did you do this?” She asked as she stood up from where she was sitted.

“I needed to know why you were so closed off about your past. And I’m glad I did this. How else would i have known that you were a fraudster?” Christian said, standing up too.

“I came to New York to gain a fresh start. To have a new life. To be happy and I thought I found it with you.” She said in a cool voice as she paced back and forth.

“I thought I found happiness with you too. I wish you had told me about this, instead of hiding it from me. I needed to be sure of what I was getting into with you. And now that I found out, I don't even think I can trust you.”

“I would have told you in my own time. I made some really wrong choices. Choices I regret. I didn't want to be reminded of them every single time. That's why I came to New York.” She countered.

“I'm sorry, Blue. I just needed to know.” Christian was suddenly regretting carrying out the investigation on her.

“You don't need to apologize, Christian. It's alright and it's just as well that you can't trust me. For what it's worth, I really wanted to leave my past behind. I was never going to dupe you because for me, you were a new beginning. I don't want to be the one doing this but I think it's better if we went our separate ways. I can't love you knowing that you found out about my misdeeds. And I know there will always be doubt in your heart whenever you are with me.” She concluded, already packing up her things into her handbag.

Christian nodded sadly. He knew that what she said was true. He couldn't deny that fact. Somehow, the trust between them was cracked in different places and it wasn't going to take long before one move would break it into many pieces, which would be disastrous. It was better if they parted ways now.

“I'm truly sorry, Blue. You represented a flicker of happiness in my life and for that, I am grateful. Thank you.”

She smiled sadly at him and walked out of his office. Christian watched her go.