RE: I REMEMBER THE TOUGH TIMES
You are viewing a single comment's thread:
A tough story to be sure.
For me I had a girl/woman I loved for many years. When I finally had the courage to ask her to marry me I found she was also dating my best friend. My best friend and I were also shocked when we found out she accepted a marriage proposal from a 3rd person. This after yeras of being together.
Perhaps not the same story as yours. But the result is the same. Love can hurt....a lot.
It seems you learned a great lesson (and so did I). I hope you end up with an awesome woman in the end. Good luck!
hive-153850
Hl-exclusive
Hl-w101e2
Neoxian
Hivenaija
Proofofbrain
Contest
Pimp
Hive-engine
leofinance
0
0
0.000
Some people can be wicked and heartless. These are the things that make people close their hearts from loving. It's jus so sad
Very true.
However, sometimes they are just self centered, sometimes they are blinded by a bad situation, sometimes they are too focused on their own needs to see the needs of others.
And sometimes they are just wicked and heartless.
Looking way back (its been over 30 years now) at the girl I loved. She had her own issues in her past and sought validation through relationships. I was too immature at the time to see and ended up getting burned. It would be easy to see her as heartless but easier for me to look back and see her as someone with her own problems I didn't understand.
But you did the right thing. Walk away. Grow as a person yourself. Learn for the future :) .... although I'm sure it felt like a knife through the heart
Sometimes, it's natural to make excuses for people, especially when all you did was love them. and seeing their wickedness as it should be can be a hard pill to swallow
Please I'd love to hear your story sir if you wouldn't mind. Honest truth is am curious to know how it ended please.
I don't mind telling the story. However, if you could elaborate a little more about what details interest you the most I might be able to tell the story a little better :) However, the super quick version is this: I suffered from a terrible broken heart and didn't date for a long time. 5 years later I found a nice girl and after a two years long distance courtship I married her. In a month I'll be celebrating my 25th anniversary.
When I look back at that time so long ago I remember how bad I felt and how hard I prayed. I now know that God was keeping me from the biggest mistake in my life even though it hurt a lot.
Anyways, let me know what details interest you and I'll go from there.
Wow wow!
Everything about the story if possible.
But most especially how she was able to play around you, your best friend and the other guy....
Well, it's not really something I go about telling people because it is an old story.
I met this girl 40 years ago (Wow that makes me feel old) and thought she was gorgeous when I first saw her. A couple years later at the age of 16 we started hanging out together. However, I had a pretty close knit group of friends we weren't the popular crowd but we had fun and were loyal to each other. No idea why she joined our group but she did.
She was a bit of a tomboy and a bit of a flirt but she was (and probably still is) a great person. I can't say which of the guys in our group were attracted to her but I can say we were all friends. Period.
Now 40 years ago there was no Internet. There were no cellphone images. No social media and people (at least in my group) didn't "kiss and tell". Since we all hung out together I would think nothing of her hanging out with any of the other guys in the group.
Fast forward 6 years and I'm now studying to become a Pharmacist. I had to do a LOT of study and lived a fairly long way away from my friends. Roughly 70km away. During the week I studied very hard but I still went back to hang out with my friends every weekend. Sunday I went to church with the girl and we talked on the phone during the week.
My best friend was the manager at an electronics store. He also tended to work a lot of weekends but often had a day or two off during the week.
Net result: I saw her on the weekend in person and on phone during the week.
He saw her during the week and some weekends but I wasn't suspicious because we all hung out a lot.
Add in the fact that we all lived close enough to get together and hang out but far enough away that we didn't see each other outside of hangout times she was able to flirt with other guys as well.
Result: She had 4 guys interested in her. And why not? She was beautiful, personable, outgoing and fun to be with.
To make matters worse for me I am socially awkward. It drives my wife nuts how bad I am at reading people now....and I'm much better now than I was then! I hadn't been in a serious relationship before her and was truly a novice at having any clue what to do. No internet to back me up (and no Hive either) back then.
So what happened? 3 guys had their hearts wounded (we were all 22ish) and she ended up with a guy who was 29 (7 years her elder). She really wanted a husband, children, family, stability etc. I just couldn't give her that. She also needed someone far more emotionally mature than I was back then.
We parted ways and never got back together again.
However as a little footnote:
When I was 24 we got together one last time for a walk around a park. I think we both needed a bit of closure. We talked about what went right....and wrong. I had healed a bit from my broken heart and things ended amicably. From friends I heard she would ask about me even many years later. I also asked about her for a long while. When asked if we wanted to have a group get together with mutual friends we both flatly declined. Nope. Those were memories I never wanted to relive!
I found a wife for myself when I was in my late 20's and I'll be celebrating my 25th anniversary with her in just over a month. When I look back I always see God's hand in splitting me up from my first love. If I had married her it would have been disasterious. I know God had the right person lined up for me it just took a lot of growing up and a lot of years to find her :)
Unfortunately it didn't work out as well for the girl. She was married and had a few children. However, last time I heard anything she was divorced and had moved a long way away :(
Maybe not the story you wanted but there you have it :)
I'd love to get a comment if you are so inclined ...
You shouldn't have ended with "The story i didn't want to hear" you made it sound like it wasn't interesting😂
Like you said its an old story which is very much understandable to think it would bore me. But you also forgot that it's very much new to me because i haven't heard any experience as yours before (TBT). I use to think that relationships in your time used to be peaceful and truthful since there wasn't much of technology back then. I remembered hearing stories from my god mom of how girls mostly are shy when a guy approaches them but the one you just spoke of seems to be the direct opposite, probably because she's a tomboy and i wonder if technology of now should have been in your time, that means the heartbreak would have been louder than what you felt then. These brings me to the conclusion that the internet plays lesser role on influencing the mind, the majority falls back to character of who we truly are. But must confess that you loved too deeply oo, at least a normal mind would have questioned her on why she was always seeing your best friend. since you guys were a click, there was others so why was he the only one she's always seen with. no how, you would have gotten an hint through your best friend to later realize that they were 2 more aside you and saved yourself earlier enough before she initiated the break up💔
I'm just so glad it wasn't her you ended up with, i could bet on it that it would end as a disaster. There wouldn't have even been a 5 years anniversary to celebrate how much more 25 years!
God knew how genuine your love was and decided to hand over your heart to a person who would cherish it as much as you would for her. Congratulations on your 25th years Anniversary 🎉🎉🎉 would have baked a cake for you and your wife if it was possible 😅. However, i wish for long life and more celebrations your way and that of your family... Amen.
Thanks allot sir for taking out time to share your experience with me, you sure do have a kind heart, i can sense it😌 and God continually bless your kind heart. As for the other lady who is a woman by now,I'm not surprised that she's divorced, i believe she has the curious nature of wanting to experience everything and anything she could get her hands on but never realized what she missed at a time in her life, oh wait, she knew but it became too late💔. Lets us just say the word karma exist and maybe just maybe why she can't have a proper life, at the end it's all vanity and people with her kind of nature lives a life of loneliness, i hope she finds help along the way....
Thanks once again sir, my sincere appreciation🙏🙏🙏
A lot to unpack in your response and unfortunately I'm on a road trip with limited internet.
A few things though :)
Haha. Not true. Relationships are always messy. People are people with all their faults and quirks. People lie, cheat, steal and all sorts of other awful things. People can also be selfless, honest, and loving. Technology changes the background in which we operate but not the people themselves. Now everyone sees everything in real time, back then it was quite possible to be blissfully unaware. Then again gossip was the social media of the day.
There was a rhyme that wasn't uncommon when I was young
"Snips and snails and puppy dog tails...that's what little boys are made of.
Sugar and spice and everything nice....that's what little girls are made of"
While not exactly true society expected girls and women to be the "kinder and gentler sex". Being future mom's they were expected to be loving and nuturing. While boys were expected to be stronger, masculine, and roughhouse. Indeed at the time men doing crimes or getting into fights was commonplace. But girls doing the same thing was scandalous.
Girls DID tend to play shy a lot. Good girls were supposed to protect their virginity until marriage. Or at least hide the fact that they were having sex. Men on the other hand were expected to help the girls in maintaining their image. Ever hear the saying "I don't kiss and tell?" .. now you know what it refers to :) Times have changed and now my son says how he is having sex sometimes as early as the first date.
However, I was a teenager in the 1980s not the 1950s. In the 1980s women were indeed becoming more liberated and more empowered. The girl I was with was quite short and as such she had often been picked on by other girls when she was young. She learned early to stand up for and defend herself....and that guys were less "judgie" than girls.
In my defense I was (and still am) normal albeit socially awkward. Remember this was the 1980s. Without the Internet, Video Games, and Cellphones friends hung out together all the time. Nothing weird about it. If you watch the TV Show "Stranger Things" and look at the young kids playing D&D that wouldn't be too far from what my group looked like back then. I knew she had other close friends who were guys I just didn't know things were going further than that. Too trusting I suppose.
I had to think about that statement a little bit. Of course I thank God that things happened as they did as I believe that she was absolutely the wrong person for me. She had a difficult childhood and needed more emotional support and stability than I was able to give her when I was young.
But if I play the "What If" game I'm not certain that it would have ended in disaster. She genuinely did enjoy spending time with me and we often went to church together. I do believe that if we DID stay together God would have worked in her life to heal the pain of her childhood. I also believe that he would have given me the strength to grow into the husband I would have needed to be.
I'm certain there would have been numerous fights and difficulties along the way.
However, would it have failed in 5 years? I like to think God would have given us strength to become better people than we were and persevere.
Then again, when I think how rocky that path would have been? I'm so glad I didn't go down that route!
...and that's quite long enough. I have to pack and get on the road. Thanks for your interest and have a great day!
Oh my!!
Is it too early to say that I'm already loving you sir?😄😄 I've learned so much just from this little chat and its quite so unfortunate that there isn't another way to express my sincere gratitude than to say thank you. Thank you so much for taking out time to share your experience and for replying back to back, i sincerely appreciate you sir🙏
Your children are blessed to have a father as you, i don't need to know you in person to tell on that. Thanks again sir, and Congratulations once more, i celebrate you sir.🎉🎉