Too Many Walls, Not Enough Doors

So many things come to mind. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is designed to keep you from, you know, breathing.

Money. always money. like a leash. bills, rent, food, everything. work work work just to keep up, but when do you actually live? people say “oh chase your dreams” but how, when you’re tired, when the paycheck is already gone before it lands?

Then there’s fear. my own head. the constant voice whispering “not good enough.” I want to move, do, start but then I freeze. Maybe tomorrow. maybe next week. maybe when I’m ready. except ready never comes. that’s an obstacle too. the waiting. the endless waiting.

And society. ugh. the rules. the silent checklist, school, job, marriage, kids, retire, die. like if you step off the path, you’re lost. but what if I don’t want all of it? what if I want some of it, none of it, or in the wrong order? obstacle to living: other people’s maps shoved into my hands.

Even time is an obstacle. it’s cruel. you blink, it’s gone. all those things you swore you’d do someday but someday keeps shrinking.

Funny thing is, critters especially ones like squirrels don’t think about any of this. I keep coming back to them. they see the nut, they grab it, they run. no hesitation, no list of pros and cons, no asking if it’s the “right time.” they just live.

And me? I stand at the edge of the pool, toes in the water, paralyzed. life right there, waiting, and still I hesitate.
obstacles aren’t always walls. sometimes they’re whispers. sometimes they’re me.

^{My messy response to the freewriters daily prompt}

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