How To Roast Your Friend Into Oblivion

We’ve all had that one friend with big dreams. Sometimes those dreams are adorable, sometimes inspiring, and sometimes… Well, they’re more “nightmare” than “dream.”

I have this friend that loves music. He writes, he records, he even performs. ^{The few people that have invited him for a performance must have regretted their actions}.

Anyway, I’m the victim here. He sends links of his newest tracks directly to me and will double text if I don’t respond, compelling me to stream and even share. But I can’t share these songs because unfortunately, they sound like what would happen if a washing machine tried to freestyle.

This post isn’t about roasting anyone but me seeking advice. How do I tell him(or maybe friends with similar wrong career choices) politely, to steer toward a different career path as the one they’ve chosen will never fetch them a penny?

I know it takes courage for one to put their work out there even if it’s the kind that seems to have been mixed in a blender.

One thing that cracks me up about this particular self proclaimed artist is that he feels like he’s Beyonce. His music videos suck and some people in his contacts send him these suspiciously vague compliments^{Me included} but he doesn’t think deeply about them. He reposts them on his WhatsApp status, calling on more people to keep streaming. It brings tears to my eyes. Some may say they mean the compliment but I can bet my left foot they’re being sarcastic and badly want to tell him to take a long break.

He recently informed me he’ll be releasing something new in a few days and I’ll be compelled into streaming as usual so I thought of something. If I say something like;

“Have you thought of producing music instead of singing? You know it’ll give you the boss vibe?”

Or I”ll use humor to soften the blow by telling him that if music was a crime, he’d be so innocent.

Do you think it comes off as mean?

I feel bad for myself too, you know. It’s torture streaming these songs. But, I feel he’ll stop communicating with me when I burst his little bubble but fact remains that with the kind of songs he releases, he will never top the chart.

And you know I feel I haven’t been kind. If I was kind enough, I’d tell him the truth as the kindest thing we can do for each other is tell the truth. Right?

I’ll bring an update if a diss track is released in my name. Maybe the one with my name in it may make a hit and win a grammy. Who knows!

Wink.