Reinforcing the Unwanted
I was talking to a mother of a child in my daughter's swimming class tonight, who is waiting on an ADHD diagnosis for her son and daughter aged 6 and 4, so they can get medication to modulate their behavior. I had never spoken to this person before and have no idea about her, her children, or what they face day to day, but I openly discussed with her and asked some questions as to what she goes through. She also has newly diagnosed ADHD.
After she described a bit, I asked her a hypothetical question. If there were a hundred children, how many of them would have ADHD. She estimated at less than ten. But then I asked a follow up, where based on a what she had said about the symptoms, and considering how we condition children to chase a dopamine high through quick, flashy content, how many would exhibit similar traits to having ADHD. She didn't want to answer, but admitted that a lot would. Therefore, if this is the case, the "average child" is likely to exhibit ADHD trait behaviors.
During this forty minute conversation, she had her four year old playing games on a phone to keep her quiet.
I don't know much about ADHD most likely, but it seems like a losing strategy to repeat the kinds of actions that reinforce the behaviors that likely lead to symptomatic traits. But, what was more interesting was that when I asked about what kinds of issues someone with ADHD might have as an adult, she said that being able to "keep friends" was one, because essentially once a friend was known, they became boring and no longer gave the hit of exciting dopamine from getting to know them, so the ADHD adult leaves.
This is terrible for quality of life.
But, what it got me thinking about was how many of the young people I know have similar tendencies, where they struggle to build lasting relationships. What this woman said supported my reasoning for it, where people only care about what they get out of the friendship. They are only committed as long as there is a payoff for them, but they are simultaneously looking to maximize their gains, by minimizing their inputs. They want a fast return and no commitment, so they can walk away, getting what they want.
It becomes a lonely life.
Because while fun while young, eventually, more is demanded from life experience and unfortunately, the opportunity to build what is now wanted, has slipped by. It is like people making a decision to not have children, and then regretting it when they are in their fifties - the ship has sailed.
What I have come to recognize, is that talking about parenting is a minefield. Rather than discussing in order to build clarity and improve practices, most parents are just looking for an excuse so they can keep doing what they are doing, and hide behind the cracked facade of it being in their children's best interest. The problem with the impact of all these "educational" games and the enormous amount of screen time parents are encouraging their children to spend, is that more and more studies are coming out on the depth of negative impact, and the lack of positive impact.
How long can someone ignore the symptoms?
I suspect, that a lot of people are chasing various diagnoses to explain their own behavior and that of their children, even if the root cause is to be found in their lifestyle, not their genes. It is not that there are no disorders and illnesses that cause different kinds of behaviors and challenges like attention problems or depression, but we would want to look at the environmental factors that could be causing it, before treating with medications - right?
Right?
Taraz
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Or perhaps the standards of "normal" behavior, much like the standards of "normal" cholesterol or blood pressure or calcium levels begins at an even earlier age. This woman thinks lifelong medicalization of her children will make her life easier, but it will instead turn it into a medical nightmare for all of them. She cannot see outside of this, in drugging her children she will belong to a generation of munchhausen-like parents who medicalize to get attention, which they think of as care. Oh could I ever go on about this, I was just like her.
There is a difference perhaps when there was a lot of reasons that one might be ignorant, but we also live in a a world where it is possible to research at least at some level by ourselves. I am not saying believe every crackpot on the internet, but there is a fair bit of evidence that point to a lot of issues we are seeing in society today.
Lifelong medicalization. Sounds awesome.
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I don't personally know anything about ADHD, but a quick search lead me to a list of symptoms:
Inattentiveness (difficulty concentrating and focusing)
The main signs of inattentiveness are:
The main signs of hyperactivity and impulsiveness are:
Source
I can definitely see why you might associate some of the characters of both inattentiveness and hyperactivity to excessive device use, but hopefully the medical staff are doing comprehensive testing to figure out what's needed.
I work with a guy who is in his 50s and been diagnosed with ADHD, he's never been a gamer, not on social media, an avid gardener and family man and really has to manage it. He displays a lot of the traits above (which I'm only now realizing) at work which has been pretty annoying, but I might be closer to understanding him... so thanks for this little journey.
Also, people in their 50s can absolutely adopt kids... there are so many kids in every country that could use a good home. I don't think that ship has sailed at all.
I didn't say there were none with ADHD, but
In some areas of Finland, over 30% of boys are on ADHD medication. I suspect that the majority of them don't need it and it is lifestyle conditioning.
Many say this, but adoption itself takes a certain kind of person. Just like many people aren't cut out for parenting, even fewer are cut out for what it takes to be a successful adoptive parent. People doing it "just to have a kid" are likely going to struggle.
Obviously people are going to struggle with adoption and parenting - it's truly one of the hardest jobs in the world.
Right... but this is just your opinion right? You don't have any expertise in this area, you haven't had any medical training, you're just guessing yeah?
Imagine if a parent came up to you and suggested that your daughter's medical issues (I don't remember if you shared specifics, but I remember her having uncomfortable tests or treatments) were just because they thought she drank too many fizzy drinks. I'm sure you'd quickly dismiss this opinion compared to the advice the medical staff provided.
Or if this parent suggested your own past medical issues were all in your head... eventually you'd just avoid this parent altogether or if you're trapped just agree with them until stopped talking.
When you work with your own clients and customers... you try to look after them yeah? You don't try to get them to commit to products or services that are way too expensive for their needs right? You want to build a good reputation that you're trustworthy yeah?
I imagine if you were a medical professional in Finland, you'd be the same... you'd look after your patients and recommend appropriate treatments - and work with parents that were maybe overworrying, right?
I think it's fair to maybe give the Finnish medical providers some grace and assume they're as caring and compassionate as you are - I can't imagine they're all money-vampires desperately trying to get everyone addicted on lifelong medication.
Parenting itself is a minefield if anything goes wrong in the childs behaviour the parents are always to blame for it. However its very sad to see that most friendship are selfish and its all about benefiting from each other but come to think of it is there anything more to that?
It isn't benefitting from each other, it is benefitting the self.
Hmmm well i would agree on that
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Dude I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and I’m still recovering from that diagnosis 30 years later.
What gets diagnosed as ADHD is often someone who is more sensitive, and I mean that in the way a camera can be more sensitive. We pick up on more stimulus and make more connections. It only becomes a disorder when it’s treated as one or when trauma turns it into one, and for someone who is more sensitive, being forced to sit in school for hours a day can be way more brutal than for someone who is less sensitive, at least that was the case for me.
Inagine having short door panels and saying the kid who is 5’11 or above has a disorder.
I was aware of all of my teachers inconsistencies, all the social dynamics going on in the classroom, had beautiful opuses going on in my head, was creating worlds and I could usually guess the answer 3 minutes before the teacher gave it. So I got bored and stopped paying attention. Can you blame me?
Is that a disorder?
It sure became one after a while because I was a freshwater fish in saltwater.
I do think the fast pace of media these days encourages this kind of attention and there are positive and negative sides to it. I think it’s generally a good thing if the kid can learn something like mindfulness and how to be ok in low stimulus environments.
I was a total mess until I realized I had no emotionally mature adults around and decided to find my own way, becoming a drifter and practicing mindfulness. 5 years of that fixed me, but what was broken wasn’t my attention, it was the pain of having to strangle all my gifts and trying to be the adult in a world full of grown children
I tried to discuss this with the woman too - where it could be we are treating it as a disorder, when it is just the way the person is and that might not align with what we want of them. She was not keen. She literally said, she is so looking forward to getting the medication for them.
The other funny thing is, she said that if she has them for the day, to get space, she sits on her phone mindlessly scrolling.
Look around at the world today, decades later, and the adults are even more immature.
ADHD has a severe impact on children so it should be cured. As a result of this disease, children lose the ability to concentrate. They may overdo activities and get out of control which worries their parents a lot. It is a mental illness, it must be cured, otherwise the future of the child will be ruined which no parent would expect.
Good morning, good post, good observations but only a scratch on the surface!
ADHD is a broad spectrum. A child can be predominantly hyperactive, predominantly struggling with attention or both, with infinite ratio variations. ADHD is also not linked to a child's intelligence. It's often a learning difficulty (LD). Children with higher intelligence can often find coping mechanisms to manage their self-awareness of being 'different' without being able to put a finger on exactly why they are different and this carries through to adulthood when these days, they can often see medical professionals and be given answers to this lifelong issue.
The first line of help should be with occupational therapy where children can learn exercises through play, gradually improving concentration and focus and learning to regulate behaviours but an hour or two of therapy a week is useless without continued support from home and from other caregivers such as schools or nurseries. Early intervention is of paramount importance.
All too many parents see something 'not quite right' in their toddlers but then put off asking for help, hoping they'll 'grow out of it'. Early school years are usually no problem as it's mainly play-based learning and toddlers can be a bit boisterous but when the learning becomes more formal in grade 1, then problems develop as kids often rapidly drop behind with learning milestones. This can be especially noticeable in reading and writing. Kids who drop behind can become self-conscious leading to behaviour issues, self-esteem problems etc etc. It can rapidly become a downward spiral.
Drugs can help, but not as a first line of support and more so with hyperactivity in children. Sadly doctors seem to throw them about like candy these days as OT services and other mental health services are overrun, more so in countries that have free, healthcare. Many techniques can be applied to help focus and concentration to be able to complete tasks but not if a child, or adult, is bouncing off the walls! Standard techniques for schools to implement are desk position, giving a child small brain breaks, small fidget toys, there's a long list of ideas that are not going to create too much additional pressure on a teacher, and equally importantly, not affect the education of other children in a class. Definitely what not do either at home or in class is shout or become angry. This is easier said than done. Parents, already under pressure and duress also need help and support. With ADHD, what's needed is calm and measured discipline and positive reinforcement.
As for phones. Screen time doesn't cause ADHD but it most certainly exacerbates the issues. Even if a child is only watching and playing educational videos and games, it is one-way learning and there are no communication or social skills being developed which in early years is of utmost importance.
Since Covid, we see many guilt-ridden parents who think their kids have problems as a direct consequence of the lockdown and letting their kids spend their days on computers or phones. Sometimes, it can be ADHD, sometimes, behaviour and parenting. It's a difficult line to walk and discuss.
The final paragraph goes to you...
In my opinion, your suspicions are absolutely correct.
I hope you and your family have a great weekend and your own health is holding up :-)
For sure. And I don't think most parents, however they might "know" about it, are actually equipped to provide the support necessary. And schools, well, they struggle to support kids without learning difficulties - so their chances of positive effect are slim.
I think it goes the other way a bit here - parents see everything wrong, and want early medical intervention, through medication.
And, this is another problem for the other children in the classes too. They put everyone together, even though needs are very different, so everyone suffers.
They feed into the dopamine cycle. They aren't necessarily learning through those games, they are just getting that tiny hit of dopamine that keeps them coming back. That is unsustainable long term for learning.
Thanks for adding your thoughts on this here!
Hope you have a great weekend too.
I believe that all or at least most people have some illness but some of them just don't know it yet.
I was born sick, I heard them say...
I would blame Covid partially, because, Covid gave phones / tablets in kid's hand, and it's impossible to take it back completely. However, we must control the usage, not leaving them being addict. Some kids understand and obey, some others show resistance, but then as you said, at the end the parents should know how to make things right.
It was happening well before Covid though. I have been writing about it myself for seven years, and talking about it for twenty. Covid has become another excuse, even though the behaviors were already present.
I don't know the science behind ADHD either, but based on what I find people self-diagnosing themselves with ADHD based on, I always say that nearly everyone should claim to have ADHD at this point. Attention span is one of those things, apparently, and it's hilarious because in the age of social media where it's literally "Interesting or I scroll", you wonder how our attention spans won't get fucked up.
ADHD aside, I think social media has a huge role in conditioning us to forcefully diagnose ourselves with things to like you said, explain behaviours that are simply consequences of our lifestyles, and not medical conditions. People hide behind even things like depression or mental crisis to be shitty people, and because they have a certain TikTok creator or several who constantly reasssure them they're not the problem, they're convinced.
I don't see a lot of Africans identifying with ADHD. Makes me wonder if we're just not enlightened enough, too simple, or if it's that our plate is already too full to add things like this.
I don't know if I agree with that thing about friends. I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD back in the day because it really wasn't a thing then. I cope with it now too and keeping friends because I get bored never would have occurred to me. My wife can identify it, but she can't diagnose it because she is not a medical doctor. I read her reports and recommendations and I have never seen her reference keeping friends as a factor. Doesn't mean it doesn't exist, just not in my experience.
Here in US, it is rather simple to get an ADHD designation. My partner did it so she could get access to the meds that help her with her daily life all through the insurance plan. They definitely are a benefit to have around the house when we really need to get stuff done.
All 3 of my siblings got ADHD designations when we were children, but to this day I've never had a clinical designation of my own. Twice I spoke with a psychiatrist, but both times after their exam, they would not provide a conclusion diagnosis. Who knows if this was some crazy insurance scheme, or if that was truly their medical opinion, I'll never know. What I do know is that I've gotten here alright without much caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol, so I must be doing some things alright.
That's what I think about relationship out of wed-lock. I don't mean to offend anyone as I assume relationship out of wed-lock has become a prevalent and accepted lifestyle in the west. However, putting all the religious teaching aside, the lack of commitment and the ease of escape from responsibilities makes these kind of relationships questionable for me.
So far as the diagnosis of ADHD is concerned, I believe while there are some genuine cases of the disorder, many has to do with our lifestyle. Screen time has certainly added to the symptoms. Most of the things that we watch (especially the one's designed for kids) induce instant gratification and continuous hype of dopamine. When the real world scenerio fail to bring about that level of pleasure, symptoms like ADHD result.
Another problem in the present era is that we want a quick solution via medical treatment. Instead of putting efforts that work slow but demand steadiness, we want the fast result. Thus we go for medicine.
We all know medicne is an industry and more diagnosis bring more bloom to it, so they won't want to market the importance of diagnosis and treatment.