Why We Struggle to Stick

Is there some truth in saying that the reason why we're not committed to anything is because we're afraid of being attached to it apart from the fear of disappointment?

Of course, I'm not trying to generalize here. Within different contexts, there may be different types of reasons why one is not committed to their goals, relationships, or personal growth.

I'm not committed to going to the gym regularly, despite knowing it could improve my health and mood, for example.

Categorically however and especially in terms of personal development, a source for commitment issues can be attributed to our deep-seated fear of failure and the vulnerability that comes with truly caring about something.

I find an irony here between wanting to be independent and actually avoiding the very responsibilities that would make us truly independent.

Actually, independent may not be the right word here. People can be extremely lazy in matters of growth and self-discipline, both mentally and emotionally.

The Weight of Real Commitment

Commitment usually comes with being responsible, accountable, checking yourself whenever you want to give up or take shortcuts.

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This is a path of much resistance, in terms of facing our own limitations and pushing through discomfort.

So if there's a path of least resistance discovered, best believe that it will be taken, by default.

Like water flowing downhill, always seeking the easiest route, even when the scenic mountain path is actually more rewarding.

Promises vs. Commitments

Now, what's a difference between a promise and a commitment? I feel they're from the same family.

Whenever I promise my mum that I'll put more vegetables in my meal and exercise regularly, she believes I'm committed to taking my health to the next level.

The issue is I'm really not committed to both, although I'll still try to do them religiously, so I can feel a bit of comfort on keeping a promise to a loved one. The actual health improvements are mostly cherries on top.

The main point here is that promises are often made for others, while commitments are made for ourselves.

I think commitment is the elder sibling of promise. Their parents in this context could be intention and accountability.

In my eyes, commitment holds more weight than a promise, simply because I really don't trust verbal agreements.

Promises can be broken with an apology, which is fine but breaking a commitment means breaking something within yourself, too.

What We're Actually Attached To

From the top of my head, it seems to me that we're collectively attached to comfort and immediate gratification.

We're also attached to the idea of who we think we should be, but this is less noticeable with the younger generation, who seem more comfortable with uncertainty and change.

I once came across a study about workplace productivity that mentioned that attached employees are more likely to stay with their company and perform better than detached workers who are just going through the motions.

Now, I'm thinking of how many things in my own life I'm just going through the motions with and by extension how our modern world has been designed to support this detachment.

Don't we scroll instead of read when we're caught in the dopamine loops designed by social media?

Instead of connecting with real people and our own thoughts, we binge-watch endless series that ask nothing of us.

It's like we've built an entire economy around our commitment issues with productivity systems that avoid real work and self-help content we consume but never actually apply.


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