Self-less-ness

There's this interesting argument on the downsides of being selfless, which is that it prevents the individual(read: self) from participating or engaging with authentic human experiences and connections.

When we remove ourselves from the equation, we seem lose the very perspective and presence that makes interactions meaningful.

If we equate self-less-ness with being impersonal and self-full-ness with being personal, then the difference between them can be akin to a soup without salt and a soup with salt.

At least, that's how I tend to see it, sometimes. Many people will definitely prefer a soup with salt, since it has a flavour or is tasteful.

But, like salt, the self needs some form of regulation. Too much self-fullness breeds selfishness and it ruins the human experience, just as too much salt makes soup inedible.

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Subtle Undercurrents

I think it's one of our main challenges in our modern era. We are insidiously geared towards selfish-ness given the perceived structure the world operates on.

For example, with consumer culture, we're constantly exposed to a reinforced idea that personal satisfaction should be our primary goal. We have to be vigilant about our image, our success metrics, our social standing etc.

But paradoxically this same culture makes genuine satisfaction more elusive through near endless comparisons and consumption.

Even our attempts on creating connections can sometimes be exercises on self-interest, as we subconsciously calculate the intangible returns on our emotional investment and carefully curate our social circles for maximum personal benefit.

Sometimes, I just do not understand how we've come to operate this way even though I'm aware that there are other factors at play. Caught in a mesh of algorithms that make stepping outside this bubble feel like swimming against a powerful current.

With this particular "situationship", an irony that I've observed is that more heightened focus on self-interest tends to lead towards increased isolation and diminished satisfaction, which just leads back into more self-focused solutions to fill the isolation void.

Artificial Sense Of Self

Think of someone who feels isolated and turns to social media for connection. They carefully craft their posts to maximize engagement, obsessively check their likes and comments, and curate their feed to show only successful, appealing content.

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Sure, this will temporarily fill the void with notifications and virtual interactions. But given the superficial nature of such interactions, it also leaves them feeling more isolated than before, leading them to spend even more time perfecting their online presence to maximise their virtual interactions.

Now, here's the spiral nature of the problem. More focus on managing their "social media self", means less authentic their connections become. The missing part is a lack of realization(or acceptance?) that genuine connections require vulnerability and authenticity.

Now, selflessness itself isn't a panacea here. It might help in finding freedom from this exhausting cycle of self-preoccupation but it too has its own set of problems if not balanced correctly.

Because, there's no point in being selfless if you're going to constantly neglect your own needs, stay on the edge of burnout or experience a loss of identity.


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