It's Not There

If it is, it is. If it's not, it is not.

Some days, when meeting with old friends and catching up on what has happened with our respective lives since we last met, I always get this impression of a dream like narration of a timeline that I used to live in but no longer do. The dream like impression is more so a memory of my past mixing up with the present.

I don't know why that's sometimes the case but I keep noticing everything that I've not physically experienced getting dismissed as not real by an aspect of myself with strong ruling power, which is quite shocking to me as this was not the case just a year or two ago.

I heard one of my friends recently had a baby and the second reaction after the first initial reaction of Wow, congrats. I attended the wedding almost a year ago. Way to go. was it can't be real yet as far as I've not seen the baby physically. Also had a call with a significant other and once the call ended, something in me was quick to react that it might as well just be a dream I've woken up from.

Practically, the experience itself in the moment can be jarring, walking on quicksand, jumping from one episode of reality to another.

Reality itself is perceived as this fluid unsticky flow of scenes where the observer has generally more control over the participant, even though, I suspect that both are one and the same thing. It must be that as of late I've tilted more towards that state with which the observer inhabits.

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I'm personally not too much fazed by it though. I've always been curious about the perception of reality and have had some background information about such via meditation and other similar works.

The best thing I can do is go with the flow and not get too attached and also remember to keep the wondrous attitude. This gamifies the overall experience and makes it more than interesting as a journey of self discovery.

As to the title, apart from the lack of a firm unchanging central position to participate in reality, it's basically inspired from this idea I've came across about now living in an era where on the surface, people seem to be experiencing so much of everything yet these experiences are woefully lacking any sort of nutritional value, in the deepest sense.

The best analogy I've found so far is drinking water but still feeling thirsty. The water is not water anymore, although it looks like water and taste like water.

It, could be anything and everything that's been drained of its source. Close examples include milestones that land flat the moment they're crossed and nostalgia for a present you're still living in. Many modern experiences have a weird undertone to them.


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