Impostor Syndrome

A sense of belonging is one of those fundamental human needs that usually requires a bit of vulnerability to cultivate. Must we open ourselves to connection and risk rejection in the process of finding our place?

For the most part, being a lonewolf is just a subtle way of protecting oneself from potential disappointment. The lonewolf in reverse is a social chameleon, and impostor syndrome is inversely a lonewolf mentality.

Both are defensive strategies born from the fear of not truly belonging, as in either isolate ourselves completely or blend in so perfectly that no one notices our perceived inadequacies.

Lonewolf or not, there's an "inherent mission" to get somewhere, to embark on a journey toward self-actualization. We're wired to seek progress, even when we claim otherwise.

Oftentimes, I notice this during periods when I claim to be "taking a break" yet still find myself restlessly planning the next chapter.

Maybe I just can't tolerate the discomfort of purposelessness, even temporarily. This desire to grow seems embedded in our DNA.

Ambition Is Gone For A Sleep

This is somewhat connected to the current trend I've noticed with the younger generation not having any ambition in life.

I've sat across from my younger cousin at family dinners, listening to his passionate defense of "existing rather than achieving."

I don't know, I may understand it on a basic level or rather the context on which such statements are made.

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For example, I probably will not have any ambition in life had I been red pilled into adopting this viewpoint that success is merely a social construct designed to keep us trapped in systems that don't serve us.

But it's a slippery slope, in that rejecting traditional metrics of achievement can easily become a justification for avoiding growth altogether. Not unlike a half-truth that's also a comfortable lie we tell ourselves.

Now, who doesn't dream of reaching the pinnacle of their potential, that height they know is within reach if only they could silence the inner critic and achieve a good level of inner clarity?

This familiar voice that whispers "you don't belong here" tends to be loudest just as or when we approach our greatest achievements.

I don't understand much of how this contradiction works in our minds at this point in time, an ability to simultaneously achieve and feel undeserving. Could it be a necessary guardian against the dangers of excess confidence??

Even when dreams become reality, the sense of fulfillment, validation, and belonging usually doesn't precede the next wave of self-doubt.

When you've wanted something all your life, getting it doesn't always bring an explosion of joy you anticipated.

Sometimes, the feeling is that of standing in an empty theater after the audience has gone home, wondering if the performance actually happened or mattered in the first place.


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