Beyond First Impressions

Life has a consistent way of challenging our assumptions and we repeatedly encounter this gap between our initial assessments and reality.

I'm not very keen on the idea that we should trust our first instincts about everything. Experience has taught me otherwise.

When it comes to making sizing decisions such as evaluating opportunities, relationships, projects, etc... we're usually and always off the mark.

I think it's a good thing that our initial assessments are notoriously unreliable.

Because it forces us to stay adaptable and humble in our approach to newer situations.

That "simple" home renovation becomes a three-month ordeal.
The "easy" client proves to be the most difficult.

Such occurrences come about because we rely on incomplete information and past experiences that may not apply to current situations.

We inherit a mind that sees patterns where none exist. Part of me thinks this is on purpose. Maybe, a feature, not a bug.

Experience teaches us to look for what we're not seeing.

Since our mind looks for things that aren't there, it makes perfect sense for experience to go the opposite route.

Image Source

The solution isn't to stop making judgment (that's evidently impossible) but to hold them more lightly.

Learning to size things up (or down) accurately means developing comfort with uncertainty and remaining open to revision.

Seductive Trap of Quick Judgments

Research shows we form impressions within seconds of meeting someone, based on limited cues like posture, voice, or appearance.

Obviously, this could also be an inheritance, since rapid assessments served our ancestors well when deciding whether a stranger was friend or foe.

Nowadays, a good way to put it is that they often mislead us in complex social situations where survival isn't necessarily at stake but understanding is.

That "easy" client that turns out to be difficult might become your most loyal advocate once you understand their perspective and what drives their particular brand of thoroughness.

I think first impressions stick because they're emotionally satisfying in the short term.

They give us the illusion of understanding and control.

Put people and situations into neat little boxes so we can move on to the next decision.

But impressions for the most part are essentially snapshots or data points, not portraits and definitely not conclusions.

Experientially, the most rewarding relationships and opportunities usually lie beyond our initial reactions.

Experienced Drivers

When we first learn to drive, we think it's about following rules: first check mirrors, then signal, finally turn.

One of the things I've noticed is that experienced drivers have a keen awareness that encompasses anticipating the driver who's about to change lanes without signaling, sensing when a pedestrian might step into traffic despite having the right of way, and other subtle environmental cues such as feeling how the car responds differently on wet roads versus dry ones.

My observation tells me that these actions are woven seamlessly into a larger awareness of the driving environment.

They're not mentally saying "now I check the mirror," since simply being aware of what's behind them has become a part of their continuous spatial understanding.

This progression from mechanical rule-following to intuitive competence appears across every domain of learning.

Diligent novices will always follow rules to the dot, which is arguably necessary since you can't know the spirit of the law without first following the law, so to speak.

The issue is following the law to the dot is actually a temporary phase and nobody can really tell you when to graduate from rigid adherence to flexible application.

You have to feel your way through that transition.

The learning never stops, but the anxiety does when you realize that not knowing everything is very normal.

Life, especially nowadays, rewards those who can hold multiple perspectives simultaneously.

Confident enough to act, humble enough to learn, quick enough to respond, patient enough to truly understand.

That's the most prevalent and underlying lesson hidden in our daily experiences of sizing up or down, seeing through, and steering straight into a more refined understanding of reality.


Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.