A Beast We Feed, Indifferently

Not that I've taken a break from the grind, but it does feel like getting back to the grind this time around is accompanied with feeling light as a feather, in terms of mental and emotional weight.

Really don't know why because I was on the brink of burnout just yesterday. I think sometimes you're unexpectedly lucky to wake up in a great mood through which the issues or problems of the day (and week) seem trivial compared to how you're feeling right at that moment.

The trick is maintaining that mood throughout the day as much as you possibly can.

Sometimes, it equally takes you downloading one single piece of information that throws away the whole feeling and make it seem like it was just a distant memory of a dream you just had.

The Indifferent Wheel

Life doesn't stop for no one. The grind continues, and you have to keep this proverbial wheel running regardless of your personal disposition or the weight of external circumstances.

What tends to put me off is this wheel is rather indifferent towards your emotional state, personal aspirations outside its demands and even your physical well-being.

I won't say it's a "necessary evil" of sorts. But it does seem to me like it's a beast I'm feeding because it's somehow keeping me alive.

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Defining the Beast

At its simplest, the "beast" represents the modern economic system. To survive, put food on the table, pay rent, access healthcare and participate in society generally requires one must engage in some form of "grind."

This could be a formal job, a small business, or any activity that generates income. You are "feeding" it your time, energy, and skills.

The "beast" is "indifferent" because the market, the job, the business, doesn't inherently care about you as an individual. It only cares about output, efficiency, and above all profit. Your personal mood swings, burnout, dreams outside of work are largely irrelevant to its function.

Paradox of Choice

We feel like we're "feeding" it, implying an active choice, but the reality feels more like an inescapable obligation. Because in a capitalist society, the alternatives to participating in this "grind" are often dire (poverty, lack of resources).

So, while we are active participants, the fundamental requirement to participate feels beyond our control. Which in itself creates the paradox of "feeding a beast" that we didn't choose to create but must sustain to survive.

Transactional Nature of Survival

This aspect of survival is mostly a transactional element, in that the "grind" provides the means for survival - the mechanism through which we acquire resources necessary for life itself without any inherent meaning or fulfillment beyond the exchange.

In a modern context, this "beast" could also be participating in the gig economy or freelancing.

The hallmark, especially for entrepreneurial ventures, is usually spending immense personal investment and feeling like it consumes your entire life, but the flip side is it provides autonomy and the potential for greater reward.

Universal Struggle

The feeling is universal, in that we often resent the demands of the system that sustains us, wishing for more agency, more recognition of our humanity, and less of the relentless, indifferent turning of the wheel.

Yet, we continue to feed it, because, for now, it's the primary way to keep ourselves (and often our families) alive and afloat in the currents of modern existence.

The aim is finding ways to develop and also focus on the parts of ourselves that exist beyond the transaction.


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