KISS #171: How do physical surroundings influence my emotional life and relationships?

That you would not care so much about your surroundings if you were strong enough, grounded enough, but as I got older, I began to observe more directly how my moods changed with my surroundings, The more cluttered, noisy or disorganized my space was, the tougher it was to remain calm or even be kind.

Once, I used to live in a very loud Calabar apartment adjacent to a busy road. From honking horns and random shouting by passersby to yes late-night music emanating from a neighbor’s apartment. It wasn’t just noise it was tension, everywhere. I didn’t realize how much it wore me down until I found myself snapping at friends over little things, and always tired for no reason. My sleep was broken, my thoughts restless, and every small misunderstanding felt ten times heavier.

Then came the switch. I moved in with a friend for a few months not to a fancy place, just quieter, the windows faced a small patch of green, and sunlight filtered into the room every morning, It felt like breathing for the first time, I didn’t wake up angry anymore, i didn’t dread my day before it even started.

It made me pay attention to the little things. I started buying plants not many, just two at first. A snake plant and one small aloe vera. I can’t explain the joy I felt watching new leaves grow. Something about tending to life, even in pots, softened something inside me. I stopped feeling like I was always racing time. I slowed down. I became less reactive. Conversations with loved ones flowed better. I had more patience.

There’s one morning I remember clearly. The sun had just hit my window, soft and golden. I was sipping tea, no noise, just distant birds. A friend called, and we talked for almost an hour no tension, no rush. Just ease. That call changed the energy of our friendship. I wasn’t defensive. I wasn’t guarded. And I know if I had taken that call in my old place, with all the chaos around, I probably would’ve snapped halfway through or rushed off.

Now, even when life gets loud again as it does I create small islands of calm. I rearrange my room to face natural light. I take short walks where there’s green, even if it’s just a roadside patch. I play soft instrumental music in the background instead of listening to traffic or noisy feeds. It’s not luxury it’s survival, emotional survival.

We are more products of our environment than we like to admit, they can make us more loving or more distant, more empathic or more impatient, If your apartment is choking you, your relationships will feel like they are gasping for air, as well.

Now, I choose my peace on purpose. I light a candle, open a window, water a plant. I sit in silence. I make space not just around me, but inside me. Because the way I live the sounds, the air, the colors feeds into how I love. And that, I’ve learned, is everything.

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