The efficiency in your being special that comparison will hide from you

It took me years to recover my self-esteem because of the many things I had said to myself. Well, not really what I said to myself, but what I perceived as normal, but I have less or more of, so I felt odd and abnormal. That is what comparison does to you.

Comparison is a stealer of joy, and gifter of overwhelmingly low self-esteem. I can say this because I was there and even though I eventually recovered, I lost some years that I could have used to build something great out of the potential I later discovered about myself.

I was new in the boarding school. I was a tiny little girl who had expected that girls of my age would have a similar body size and shape, alas, it was a bit different. Other people’s financial status was never a thing I admired because for a reason, I knew my dad, even though didn’t have much, he gave us his whole heart and everything he had.

I learnt contentment early in life. However, I didn’t pick that contentment is much more than being satisfied with the material things available. If I had learnt that early in life, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have suffered as much as I suffered hell from dealing with low self-esteem. I would’ve learnt that the things I compared myself with others about are actually things that are beyond my capacity to change, so I should just live with it and accept it the way it is.

One more important thing I failed to understand is that with individuals are specifics that are special to them, and that is what makes us who we are.

What exactly did I compare myself to other people about? Very funny thing. It was simply my body shape and height. When I was in junior class 1 in high school, I was one of the tiniest girls in a class filled with big girls and boys that matured earlier. When I was in junior class 3, I suddenly acquired a height that I didn’t understand.

Still slim as ever, but the height seemed like it didn’t match the typical girl’s height. Moreover, I wasn’t growing any fatter in my body, and it felt so strange to be different. Every other girl in my class already were looking girly, but I was there looking all straight, and ‘long’, so I began to bend so that I would match the height of every other person. Actually, I was taller than some of the boys in class and it was to me, “embarrassing”.

My mates and seniors weren’t helping issues too. They reminded me of how I wasn’t supposed to be as tall as a ‘boy’. “Your height is for boys”, they would say to me. I didn’t find it amusing because rather than smiling about it, it was painful because I already was crucifying myself for being so tall and straight.

When I was in senior class 1, I was nominated as the finest girl in the hostel, and I was shocked. I mean, what exactly is beautiful about this slim and tall girl, I asked myself multiple times. Rather than accept it as the good award that it was, I saw it as a means of attracting people to see my deficient stature because it was in my head, far from perfect.

That is what comparison does to you. Comparing yourself to others won’t let you see the greatness of you, rather, it’ll continue to let you see the deficiency in you and sometimes, you may end up getting disgusted by you and all you want to do is hide away from people because you don’t want people to see your supposed inefficiency.

As much as you can, stop the comparison and see the greatness in your being special. Then wait for the maximum high self-esteem that comes with it.

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