Jealous whispers

I have my flaws and everyone else does too. It's a well-known fact that nobody is perfect but one thing I love and also hate about myself is how emotive I am. My facial expression immediately gives me away in any situation.

While I love it given that, most times I wouldn't have to tell the other party my opinion on a particular thing, on the other hand, it makes me seem quite vulnerable.

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I mean, in a situation where I'm affected with either someone's words or actions but would still prefer to stay mute or remain indifferent, my emotion and expression betrays me, never hesitating to surface, giving off how much affected I am.

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My family celebrates events- birthdays specifically in a small, homely way but one certain birthday few years back, my immediate elder sister decided she wanted something bigger than the usual.

She wanted to celebrate her birthday with classmates in school with cake, drinks, name it. When she mentioned it, I didn't feel an atom of desire to do the same as I've never been the type to fancy all eyes on me.

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Don't get me wrong. My sister isn't an attention seeker but sure loved being acknowledged. When she brought this request of hers up, my mum didn't give her an immediate response and I, sitting by the side quietly buried my head in my books.

Two days after and equally a week to her birthday, my mum agreed and began purchasing decorations and stuff. I would smile and admire every purchase my mum brought home, picturing how the Dday would look like.

However, as more gifts and decors rolled into the house and the fact that they were all my sister's, with mine coming up just few days after, the urge to have something similar crept in.

I was already jealous.

And my sister was quick to notice as well as my mum.
Her birthday finally came and I had to carry loads of presents alongside my school bag and food box as I dragged my feet on the road to school, likewise my sister. Though my mum delivered the cake herself.

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Given that we attended the same school, I had a pretty good view of how the celebration went by and by the end of the day, I was 💯 sure that I wanted something similar. The moment my mum got home, I made my request and she declined outrightly. Not harshly but it still hurt.

Little me started crying and questioning a lot of things but mum didn't seem like she gave a damn. Not until she settled in then stride over to my room and lay right beside me. She began stroking my hair and calling out all the pets names she often called me.

Then she laid out the obvious I knew quite well, which was exactly what she wanted to avoid. I hated attention. Anything that led to me being in the spotlight caused me to get all shaky and on severe occasions, struggling to breathe with tears streaming down my face (not anymore though).

She reminded me of some episodes I've had and the effects so far. Brutally honest......... yes, but just what was needed for the jealousy to loose its grip on me.

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Images are mine.

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