An eye for an eye or...

One thing about me is that I don't limit friendships to my gender. So I had this boy-friend sometime ago. Bumping into each other on the school's staircase led to the beginning of our friendship.

We became pretty close and related well surprisingly because having observing him from afar, he didn't seem like someone I would personally want get along with. I guess that's why it's said not to judge a book by its cover. But then, I think I should have judged this particular book.

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Days turned into weeks then months and our friendship was still friendshiping. One day, he showed up with a gloomy expression. When I asked what the problem was, he broke down in tears and told me about the disasters that had been going on in his family. I felt terrible on hearing that and was equally shocked because this is someone that patrols the school with a charming smile on his face.

I didn't know how to console him but the next minute I found myself telling him my ugly stories. I don't know why I did that but I guess I was trying to let him know that everyone has a cross they're carrying.

Some days later, he asked me to show up at the school's field to watch and cheer him on during football practice which I politely refused choosing to read a book I had at hand.

Then he decided to skip the practice and requested that I gave him a quick review of the book I was reading. Later on, I came across the school's coach screaming off his ears for daring to skip practice when they had an upcoming competition. And he saw me passing by.

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The day after, he asked again and since I felt guilty for what happened, I decided to go as a way of making it up to him. The moment I stepped into the field, I heard cheers all round the field, all eyes on us. I didn't give it any thought until I wanted to go home.

One of the guys walked up to me saying he admired my forgiving spirit and obviously, I asked him to elaborate. Then he told me how my friend had shared my secret with them and when questioned, bragged that I would be okay with me. As a way to prove it, he accepted a dare to bring me to the field.

I went numb for minutes, tears welled up in my eyes, my feet felt paralysed. My very own secret which I kept away for years was just plastered to the world.

I got home feeling betrayed, shattered and seething with anger. I told myself I was going to give him a generous portion of the pain I felt. If I were to weigh our secrets, his was heavier anyways.

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Laying in bed, clouded with thoughts of how I would bless his secrets to everyone at school, my aunty walked in and gave me a scrutinizing gaze. Then she said I looked different.

When I told her everything including my intentions, the only thing she said was "don't let revenge steal you away". I stared at her retreating figure trying to grasp exactly what she meant and I did.

My friend exposed my secret and what did that do???
Changed mine, his friends and other students' perspective of him. Including some teachers whom I heard told him how disappointed they were.

I don't know how he pulled through but I know for a fact that alongside ruining my reputation, my conscience would haunt me relentlessly. So it wasn't just him, I would equally hurt myself. These were things I never thought of while planning my revenge.

And that's one thing about revenge. It doesn't just eat at your heart until you feel you're no longer alive, it blinds you from reality. It lays down the satisfaction you might feel but never the thousand consequences that will be magnetised.

I took a deep breath and watched the clouds go by until the sun started to set outside the window. Then slept it off.

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