A Hard Day

It was a hard day. Being a teenager in a dilapidating economy meant hard days weren't hard to come by, yet if I was to scale all past hard days, this one was by far one of the hardest. I looked out the window and noticed Dylan.
He stood just outside his class, silent, not listening, not talking nor singing.
The ever present joyful, loud, rambunctious and sometimes overbearing boy I had come to be acquainted to was silent as though in mourning.
I wanted to go talk to him, yet he had this air as though he didn't need any noise right now. And as such I watched.
He seemed to notice me, he looked up, entered the class and with a smile called.
"Hey June, you're just coming?" Our regular way of greeting each other as we both were regulars in tardiness.
I smiled back, relieved that I was overthinking it.
Not until I got closer did I see the cracks in his smile, the redness of his eyes, was that a line of tears on his cheek?
"Hey.." I replied back awkwardly, scared that I had stumbled into a private moment yet still wanting him to open up to me.
A bit overzealous I admit, as we weren't that close yet, his regular handbag, his best friend and rumored girlfriend wasn't with him today.
I dare try to steal such an opportunity?

I stood outside silently, waiting and hoping, praying even. I had come late - as always-, tardiness never intentional but never corrected.
It was a hard day by all standards, a devilish 8am lecture on a rainy cold Monday morning.
My trading account was on the verge of being bankrupt, payment of a loan coming due, and birthday gifts with promised deadlines on their way.
Standing outside in the rain surely looked odd to the regular outsider yet it was a moment of serenity, a moment of hope, a moment with nature.
The moment was broken as I got the notification I had been waiting for, the notification I had been praying against, one that confirmed I had ended the trade with a loss.
8am in the morning, and about six thousand lost. My heart hurt, tears threatened, my head clouded with how I would be able to survive, then I noticed the girl looking at me from the window.
I froze up, entered the class, and with a smile called out to her.
"Hey June, you're just coming?"
She smiled back.. "Who do you think you're talking to? I have been here since 7:30!"
I chuckled at that, knowing I was meant to continue our everyday tirade yet, I feigned concentration at the lecturer.

It was a boring lecture, or perhaps I just wasn't concentrating. I could feel her eyes burning into my head, she was staring, she saw.
My heart hurt some more, I needed to leave, needed to move, if possible run.
I took a leave, the toilet a suitable excuse, told June to help me watch my bag.
Then I took off.
Just strolling, thinking, looking, it all seemed strange. Scary how a boy could be on the verge of losing his mind and yet the world carries on as it usually does.
The birds are still singing, the breeze is still blowing and the water is still flowing.
I strolled away from my department, away from my faculty, it could be considered loitering but alas I did have a purpose.
Finding my purpose.

A car horned, I looked lethargically, tempted to just let it hit. I stood at the side, dangerously close, it was a small car, yet with that speed it would be a fast finish.
It sped past, the driver yelling profanities at me.
I felt the breeze and realized what I had done, what I couldn't do.
Not knowing what to do, I began walking back, at least it's better to be safe and depressed than to be depressed on the road.
My phone rang, it was June.

Where are you?

On my way back..

The class is over, I'm going to prayers.

Okay, take it there, I'll come meet up.

I had essentially missed the class, my only reason for coming to school today.
8am till 10am, I arrived at around 8:30, entered by 9 and took my leave to 'pee' by 9:05.. That's about fifty-five minutes of walking and thinking.
I walked back, into my faculty, into my department, past my class and to the garden where the prayer was held on Monday.

I saw him walk into the garden and he seemed even more ghastly than before. He had this aura around him, a dark depressing film that coated him, totally different from the air of joy I and everyone else had known him for.
The preacher noticed him and seemingly noticed the aura, everyone did.
It was time to pray and he didn't do anything, he seemed out of place, he didn't seem uncomfortable or even in the list perturbed, he just looked sad.
My eyes were meant to be closed, my lips meant to be moving yet I just watched silently, my heart aching.
He looked at me and didn't even bother to fake a smile, he just turned away. Yet I saw, I saw the pain in his eyes, the quiver of his lips. He walked to his bag and I walked to him, wanting to lead him away, then he seemed to notice something.
A caterpillar?

I looked at everyone praying vehemently, I wasn't the spiritual type, yet I understood the importance of it.
The importance of religion, a tower to lean on when your strength was weak, a light to guide through the dark, a rope to hold for guidance, to me, this moment was the darkest, my weakest and when I needed the most guidance.
Yet I couldn't bring my lips to move, I couldn't close my eyes in fear that when next I opened them, they'd be full of tears that I wouldn't be able to hold back.
This episode went further than the loss this morning, it went further than debts or the rain or the class, it was a combination of past pains ignored, a combination of past losses and faults and injuries that was previously overcome with the 'go-getter' attitude I was known for.
The go-getter was gotten and slain, it wasn't going anywhere.
I saw her staring again, I didn't see the need to smile, I didn't have the strength to, I just turned away. No need to lie in a holy place.
I saw my bag on the stone chair under the tree, wanting to carry it and go away, I could cry and be all depressed from the comfort of my home alone.
No need to cast a shadow over a prayer meeting.
I stopped in my tracks as I saw something on it though.
A caterpillar obviously fell from one of the leaves of the tree and landed on my bag. A stroke of bad luck as the climb back up would be hectic, yet it seemed to want to start going.
It roamed the full outline of my bag, unaware of what exactly it had fallen on, trying to get back to the familiarity of the soil, stone and leaves.
It's behavior amused me, the first thing that made me smile that day. After twenty minutes of watching it walking and struggling, I took a picture of it.

The prayer was over and only a few were left in the garden.
I plucked a leaf and used it to scoop the caterpillar.
June was still watching me, so I carried the pillar and gave it to her smiling.
She looked at the leaf, then noticed the pillar rapidly crawling over her finger.
She screamed and threw the leaf and caterpillar in shock, I laughed out hard.

"You're mad, do you know that?" I said angry as he stood there laughing loudly like a psychopath.
The prayer finished five minutes ago and I watched him as he was fiddling with the bag and the pillar.
"How could you throw a small animal like that, you cruel being." He said amidst laughter collecting the flung leaf.
"I don't see the caterpillar, you've killed it!" He exclaimed in mock horror.
"You gave it to me, so you killed it!" I told him back. He laughed again.
It was good hearing him laugh.
"Are you going home?" He asked me while packing his bag.
"Yeah, you?"
"Yeah. Looks like it's going to rain again." He said looking at the sky smiling.
"What's there to be happy about?" I asked frowning at the sky.
"Well it means you'll get wet with me." He said with a mischievous grin.
It was a racy comment, but it didn't stop me from blushing like a lovestruck teenager.
"You just came from prayer you heathen!" I reprimanded him.
"I didn't say anything!" He said laughing.
"You do look beautiful though. At least I can say that and still seem holy." He said smiling.
We walked in silence for a while, yet it was a happy silence. I wanted to ask him about this morning, I wanted to know.
"Thank You June." Dylan said suddenly.
"For doing what?"
"I dunno... Just seemed appropriate to say that. Thanks for being beautiful, thanks for taking my bag, thanks for being there. It's been a hard day."
I blushed harder, yet felt fulfilled as my heart fluttered and I was warm even as the rain started falling on us.
It may have been a hard day, but I would surely pray for more days like this.

• _{Image taken by me.
  A bit of a lengthy tale based of different things going on write now. Of course it's fictional, so still a hint of truth embedded in like all fictional tales are. Don't know why the caterpillar intrigued me and changed my mindset today. Maybe it's desperate urge to return to thé tree was as inspirational as it was moving. Maybe the prayers helped, or maybe I was just tired of being depressed over my losses. Regardless it did help, oh and I did later find it and place it on the tree, so June isn't a caterpillar murderer 😂}

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