Constantly trying to change life
A teacher teaches us constantly, that teacher is none other than our time, all the neighbors in our neighborhood are relatives of some doctors, some engineers, some policemen, some army and all my relatives are selfish, they come for their own interests, when their interests run out, they throw me away. Sometimes I want to look at them in surprise and say, when I needed you, you spoke sweet words and now when my need is over, you are treating me badly. I am not so lucky that when I am in trouble, someone will come to help me as soon as I tell someone. I am not so lucky that when I die at 2 am, someone will come to see me immediately.
It is actually a matter of luck that such people exist in life, but I could not achieve that fate or I was not born with that fate. I was born with such a burnt forehead. I cannot fulfill my own desires and I cannot fulfill the desires of my children. Even if I am sick and lie in bed for three days, no one will come and ask me what happened. If I am sick and lie without cooking for three days, no one will come and take a plate of rice and tell me not to eat, everything will be fine because I was not born with such fate. In fact, when I was born in this world, I have to be born with fate. I was not able to be born in my father's house. I was not able to be born with good fate in my in-laws' house. I had many desires, but I am constantly killing those desires by strangling them. Even if I want to, I cannot fulfill my desires.
I am stuck in a web of relationships. Getting out of here is like death to me because I will not be able to get out of here until I die. I have tried to get out of here again and again, but my children are constantly looking at me as my back. I don't want their lives to be ruined. I don't want their lives to be like the children on the streets because I have seen the children on the streets very closely. They get sick. There is no one to look after them. Because who will look after them? The person who looked after them has left them. They are living with animals and birds. They eat one day and go without eating the next. This is how their days are passing. Time may be difficult, but I feel very bad just thinking about how they are suffering. I never share my bad feelings with anyone.
Because in this world, you will not find anyone who will comfort you because of your bad feelings, rather, you are in trouble, everyone will think about how to sprinkle a little more salt in your trouble. I do not want to show my depth to anyone. I always express a wish to Allah, that is, Allah, give me as much as you give me so that I can stand by the people on the street. I do not need much. Give me as much money as you give me so that I can arrange a house for the old people lying on the street. I know that I am a bad person, but I am not as bad as my family or my neighbors constantly present me as bad.
In my story, I am the heroine. In my story, I am the hero. In my story, I am the villain because I don't want to blame anyone. I never think that I will be fine by blaming anyone. My world is very narrow. In this narrow world of mine, it's just me and my two children. I don't know if it's fate. I never asked how I was after I got sick. Even after three or four days of being sick, he didn't call me and ask how I was. I don't regret it because Allah Almighty sees everything. There is nothing in the world that He doesn't see. I trust that He will surely fix everything one day. What is good and what is bad in this world? Who is yours and who is not? I have spent a lot of time in my life thinking about these things.
But till now I have not understood who is my relative after me, whether it is a girl or a boy, I am humiliated by my parents. In the present time, if you are a little simple, then your parents will not think twice about cheating you. I cannot explain to you how much a girl is loved by her parents if she has money in her in-laws' house. Similarly, when a girl has money in her husband's house, many people may understand how much she is worth in her in-laws' house. I am black, it does not matter to me. I do not regret why Allah made me black, rather I am grateful, I am a Muslim.
I have done many wrong things, I have committed many crimes, I ask forgiveness from my Allah for everything, I do not know if my Allah will forgive me, but I constantly ask for forgiveness, surely my Allah will forgive me. Allah created me on earth for some purpose, but I do not know if I have been able to achieve that purpose. I constantly try to organize my work, but the lack of things does not allow me to be at peace. In words, lack destroys the nature of a person, and because of this lack, people lose the most important times of their lives due to negligence. I tried to convince myself again and again, everything will be fine. I convinced myself again and again, Insha Allah, everything will be fine, because the one who created you must see your troubles, your sorrows, everything. At least trust in him. Be patient. The fruit of patience will be very sweet, but for that you will definitely have to suffer some pain. Everything will change with time, but I will have to give him some time.
There is a saying in our life called practice. If we stop practicing, then we will be far ahead of ourselves. I believe that the world is much better than we were. Because I was progressing quite well when I was playing games for the last few days. But due to my busy schedule, I did not play for a few days, so I fell behind a lot. Because of which I actually feel very bad. I fell behind because I did not practice, this is the biggest thing. In every task, you should definitely practice and try.
A person cannot suddenly change at any time in his life. To change, he has to constantly try little by little. Be it on the road to success or in any other work when you keep doing some work every day. Then that work will be completed little by little. You started the work today and it will be completed tomorrow. It is better not to think like that, you must spend some time for every work. Many people will see that they invest in the hope of making a good profit, while many do not have money. Then they try, I only have time to invest, not money, and so I have to do my work with a little time, I have to be patient and move forward.