The Weight Of My Words And The War In My Mind.

If I could change one thing about my personality, it would definitely be how I present things to people — and how I tend to overthink what’s already done. These two things might seem small on the surface, but they’ve shaped how I communicate, how I connect, and how I carry things in my heart longer than I should. I still remember when I had just gained admission into the university. Everything was new, exciting, and uncertain at the same time. I had a roommate then — let me say we were still trying to understand each other. Sometimes she’d do something that provoked me, and instead of confronting her directly, I would leave the room and walk down to the compound to talk to my friend about it. He will be the one who will help me explain things to her in a calm way, and somehow, the issue will get resolved.
But why couldn’t I say it myself? It was because I feared how my words might come out. I always had this feeling that if I talked, it might sound too harsh or maybe too emotional — and instead of fixing things, it might actually make them worse. And to be honest, that happened a few times. I’d try to express myself, and at the end of the day, I’d be the one blamed — not for what I said, but for how I said it. Even now, when I talk to people, I sometimes replay the whole conversation in my head like a movie: Did I sound rude”? “Was I too quiet?” “Did I make sense at all?” I could be lying on my bed, and the moment just keeps replaying. That’s the weight of my overthinking. And that leads to the second part of me