My take on “forgive and forget” phrase
While this might sound like a clichè or a sort of boring, overused, repeated phrase that never gets really effective. From experience, let me lend my own opinion to this issue. As humans, the way our brains are structured, I don't think they are structured in the way that we should forget deeds that are done to us whether good or bad in a short period of time .
The ability to retain memory of what had just happened to us is in fact an attribute of the human brain. As humans, and most especially as Christians, we are admonished to always forgive whosoever has wronged us despite the gravity of the wrong done to us. I don't have an iota of issue with this position of the Bible, but I do have issues with preachers always asking us to “forgive and forget” wrongs done to us. I think we can only forgive, but we cannot “forget”!.
No matter what has happened, our brains are still part of our body and by remembering whatever someone has done to us I think it is doing its work. Someone would argue that “forgetting” what someone has done to us might not be in the literary meaning of the word “forgetting”, people argue that “forgetting” here means deciding that whatever the person had done to you would no longer hurt you. This decision is solely dependent on the gravity of the offense. For instance, if someone had killed your loved one and now repents, he now comes to you to beg for your forgiveness, as a person you would be hurt and you would feel like devouring the person but you would eventually forgive him if you so wish. But if you don't wish to forgive the murderer, you can also press for justice if you would get one.
Forgetting totally what the person has done is purely an hypothesis. It is not real and not attainable. If you still feel bad after you have forgiven someone who had done bad to you, it is completely normal. You are a human full of blood and flesh. I would only conclude that you have not forgiven someone who has hurt you when you have the opportunity to hurt back, then you take revenge. Taking revenge is a sign of weakness, but feeling hurt is not.
Remember it is normal to feel real pain, to even push some people away. When they come to tell you to forgive and forget all who have hurt you, proudly tell them that you can only forgive but you can't “forget” . Tell them you are not one sort of “robot’ that can be formatted at will. People who have hurt you should be made to feel bad and not you who was hurt. I have always admonished people not to always allow people to have a free day in their lives. These days, we love to live according to the dictates of other people. We often neglect that which truly makes us happy and opt for that which would make society accept us. Seeking self happiness, I don't think we should have anything to do with what others say is right or wrong .
Truly, to genuinely take charge of your life affairs, you have to spell out things that make you happy, things you do to make others happy, and things others do to make you happy. All these things are independent of the other and none must suffer because of the other. Sadly, we want to always do the bidding of people dear to us, we always want to do what makes them happy and not what makes us happy. Anyone you are still angry with because of what he had done to you, kindly find peace within yourself. If what he has done seems unforgivable, give yourself time. Time is the greatest healer. Time will heal you and you will surely find a place in your heart to forgive such a fellow. But let no one force you to forget whatever the person did, if you would forget it, let time be the decider and not one human who's somewhere reminding you that as long as you remember whatever the person did you still haven't forgiven the person.
You can forgive someone but you haven't and might not forget what he did. This is my take on topic of "forgive and "forget".
Thank you very much for sparing some of your time to read my post may you live long and prosper.
Shalom !.
Reference:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692#:~:text=Forgiveness means different things to,cause anger%2C sadness and confusion.