The Need for Community

It's 3am and I thought since it's quiet in the household and I get for a few hours to reconnect with myself I'll do a mental health post. I've been asked at least 4-5 times in this last week why I'm not posting these anymore -- and the answer is because I need to be centred within myself to write these, they come from the soul. I need to be in a good frame of mind existing in a few hours of tranquillity.

This is such a moment, so back by popular demand (whether anyone actually reads them though is debatable), I'm going to give everyone a nugget of my wisdom.

The Need for Community

When I was a young man I always felt like my life existed in chaos; my life was hectic, there was no peace inside of it, my mind was filled with worries, anger, and regrets, and ultimately I was a ball of anxiety wherever I was.

You wouldn't know this to look at me though; on the outside I was calm as a cucumber, people have often commented on how relaxed and welcome I make them feel. I have always been great at making everyone else feel relaxed because this is the life I've always imagined for myself. I've only ever wanted to be relaxed and peaceful.

My lifelong journey into peacefulness started when I was a younger teenager, and I found solace in attending local football matches. The joy of being part of something bigger than myself brought me peace -- if only for a few hours on a Saturday before it was back to the grind.

Then, as I grew older my peace could be found in the tight knit group of friends we formed. We helped each other, went places together, and formed tight bonds that still exist even today.

This to me was peace, it was calmness for the soul. Knowing that people had your back and that you had theirs whenever a curveball was thrown your way can be relaxing in even the most uncertain of times.

It was the same when I formed a family; my wife's fierce connection with me and my son's lifelong attachment is deep peace. Knowing that as much as I protect them, they will fight harder than ever to protect me.

This is something I had never really experienced in my youth. My life began in chaos. My dad left me when I was five, the next man in my life died of cancer, and my mother always thought that I should fight my own battles whenever problems should arise -- I knew no peace because there was no-one looking after me.

It's why of course I delved head first into a street gang when I was 16 -- the peace I so desperately sought could be found rooted in this gang; they brought me something my own family could never bring. Connection, strong bonds, peacefulness, and ultimately:

Safety.

It is very strange how our society overlooks this fundamental aspect of human consciousness. Psychological and physical safety. The need to be protected. The need for someone to have your back disregarding whatever it is that you've done -- brotherhood or family til you die.

This is why I joined a street gang when I was 16, because there was no safety at home. And it's why all the other kids were in that gang too; because in their homes there was no safety. The safety was in the gang in large numbers -- forged together by bad circumstances and a poor family life.

Everyone needs to feel safe. Yes, even you dear reader. You should allow yourself to seek out safe surroundings.

When I began to feel safe then everything else seemed way less of a problem. Issues that before felt like a hundred weight weighing down on my chest now seemed like something that could be fixed out fairly quickly and easily.

My anxiety, whilst still in the background is nowhere near the burden that it used to be -- and my connection with the outside world and its surrounding is one of a more positive and uplifting viewpoint.

How did I solve it?

Well, I sought out better connections.

The life you build for yourself can be determined by the connections you make with people in your life. The type of people that you connect with can actually determine your lot in life.

Safety can be found in numbers, and in many different ways -- the outcome can be positive or negative depending on the people that exist within your networks.

For example if your sole purpose in life is to have a happy marriage then don't be building communities or taking advice from people that don't already have successful marriages, or are divorced like 4 times.

My dad racked up 4 divorces, he was literally the worst person to ask advice on when it comes to women and marriages.

But that's a different story.

My point is, is that the human soul craves community. We all build them, whether in the physical, or just a network of friends splashed around your roadmap in the city.

But the way to a truly grow a positive and prosperous community, and one that feeds the soul rather than drains it -- is build one with people who you aspire to be. All my friends (or people that I would truly call friends) have elements in them that I admire, and whenever they can they lessen the anxiety around me whenever I'm in their presence.

But all in all, safety is key.

When humans feel mentally and physically safe, they can move mountains and take risks -- and that's when they truly grow.

So it's not girly or unmanly to want to feel safe.

Everyone needs it.

Even the girliest of girls makes her man feel safe in some form.