My Wife

25 days ago

My wife saved me would you believe it?

Had I not met her then I was travelling down a very dark and lonely path of not understanding, and not having anyone understand me.

I've only met a few people that have understood me in the past.

One thing I've grown to realise is that not many people understand each other in this life.

Not many people at all.

Your parents should understand you of course; but that's one thing that was stolen from me as a young boy -- my mum and dad were too interested in their addictions to bother about my wants, likes, and interests.

Of course I'm not blaming them here, everyone has their own demons. I was lucky enough to face mine at a younger age than most people do. I shook hands with mine at a very young age.

Understanding yourself is the key to understanding other people.

My parents were not so lucky. I doubt my dad ever understood, and my mum, bless her, is only beginning to understand now.

Your partner should also understand you. One thing my wife knows is me inside out. She knows how I am and what I want, and sometimes she knows even before I do -- which is sometimes annoying, yet these are the annoying things I actually love about her.

@vickoly's Flame post earlier about not matching another person's energy when he was in an argument struck a chord with me.

It reminded me how communication is a crucial part of humanity, yet one that is not very well respected.

To communicate with yourself better, is to better understand other people.

One thing I've always questioned myself is "why" -- and the same goes for my wife.

At the beginning of our relationship I was always questioning why she did the utterly stupid things she would do with me.

And to me the worst part was the nagging and her getting on at me for some of the most stupid of things.

I could never understand why -- it always seemed so irrelevant and pointless.

I didn't know or understand how "on the rocks" we were at the time because my wife had clammed up like an oyster clutching onto its pearl.

And yet I guess you could say it was lucky that I worked in a trade where communication is heavily relied on and you use these soft approaches to get people to open up.

People are never ever open and responsive when they think you'll be mad at them -- that's why with matters of the mind we always have smiley faces and helpful attitudes.

To help, they must at first get your guard down.

One fateful day I had enough of my wife's complaining and I decided to do what I had learned at work.

Sit and listen to her without getting angry at her or judging what she said.

And after reassuring her several times that I would not get mad it all just came flowing out like a steam train.

Things I had never even considered that were on her mind, were on her mind -- it almost brought me to tears myself the immense intense emotion that she had been carrying around with her for all those months.

That's when I realised about the perception differences between men and women -- and a lot of these "bad boy" influencers get wrong to their audiences.

To me, everything was fine, I had my work done, I came home, entertained my kid, did good dad and husband duties at the end of the day and all was well.

But these were my priorities and not hers.

Oftentimes people forget that there are two in a relationship and priorities differ -- I've had to learn that my wife likes a spotless house, and a book on the table may not matter to me that much -- I can pick it up tomorrow, or tomorrow night.

But to her it's everything

That's just one example of course -- there are many others!

If I hadn't had learned this we probably wouldn't have been husband and wife anymore -- she'd have left me.

And it would have been my fault for not dropping my guard and just letting her speak without flying off the wall in defensiveness.

Sometimes she just wanted to be listened to, you know?

I think this is a common problem amongst couples and I think it's not one that's spoken about often enough.

And so we now exist in 16 years of happy marriage where I wouldn't have made it past our first 2 years were I to not sit and listen to her.

Even today, she was not happy with a few things that were on her mind so I sat, as usual, and let her have her say and whatever needed to be fixed, I fixed.

Sometimes she just needs to be heard, and sometimes I just need to sit there and listen to her.

So in a way I guess you can say I saved her too!

God damn you women are weird! Haha.

Joke.

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41 comments

@hopestylist 75

25 days ago

Understanding the opposite gender can be a hard but I think things get better when both are willing to make compromises for the other person without really caring about the other person doing the same but they just do.

I’m glad you figured out a way to understand your wife better. 16 years is not a short period. I can only imagine the so many misunderstandings and agreements you guys have had in all these years.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Ray. If there is one thing I have learnt from what you’ve said, it will be that I have to let things go the way the other person wants it sometimes for things to go well.

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