Standards of marriage goes beyond looks

Marriage is a beautiful thing, but as beautiful as it is, it takes a lot of sacrifices, endurance and tolerance to make it work. The coming together of two different entities can be a lot of trouble; it takes two mature, calm, collected minds to pilot the plane of marriage in order to avoid crashing. I do tell people marriage goes beyond love; there are times when the words I love you" would not be enough to uphold the marriage. That's when other characteristics come into play. Everyone wants to get married to a good-looking man and a beautiful woman, forgetting that as much as love isn't enough to uphold a marriage, so also are physical attributes.

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While growing up, I remember saying I want to get married to a man with a broad chest and six packs, and I will never settle for anything less than a good-looking man with this physical attribute, and that was exactly what I was pursuing until the reality of life hit and I realised that there is more to marriage than a broad chest and six packs. Standards of marriage are not to be left out when choosing a life partner. They go a long way in defining a relationship and how it lasts. Standards such as;

• Commitment – this is a strong determination to stay together in the face of challenges and walk through the storms of life together. This is the willingness to prioritise the relationship under no circumstances. Commitment is very scarce in our world today. Individuals are Googling for themselves, which is not a bad thing to do. Self-priority is also an important factor in living a fulfilled life, but in a journey of love, commitment to the relationship and one's partner is of great importance.

• Love and affection – as much as love isn't enough, love and affection are also important factors that cannot be overemphasised. It is an emotional connection, intimacy, and expression of care for one another. Showing affection strengthens bonds and creates an atmosphere for growth and peaceful cohabitation.

• Trust and honesty – truthfulness and transparency are a necessity in marriage. In the view, many believe their partners are not mature enough to handle some truths about them, which makes them keep it for life, and if eventually their partners got to know about it later, there wouldn't be trust in such a marriage anymore, which might weaken the relationship and, in the long run, lead to divorce and separation. Truth and honesty work hand in hand; being able to be reliable and keep promises is a huge task in marriage which both parties must uphold.

• Mutual respect – valuing each other's opinions, boundaries, and individuality is a big green flag. With mutual respect, there would be no emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. Each other's opinions would be adored.

• Communication – I will say this is a strong cord that binds marriage. Listening actively and expressing needs and feelings clearly will avoid rifts and misunderstandings in marriage.

• Conflict resolution – it's true that some are not mature enough for marriage due to how they handle conflicts when they occur. There is no perfect marriage. One thing that makes marriage last longer is handling disagreements maturely without resorting to insults or violence. Seeking compromise and understanding is the key.

• Shared responsibilities:- this is something many people don't like to hear, especially women. They believe financial responsibility should be handled mainly by the man since he is the head of the family. Both parties should participate in handling finances, household duties and parenting are factors that hold marriage till forever.

• Support and encouragement – being a source of motivation to one's partner is a big turn-on in marriage. Being a shoulder to lean on during hard times strengthens bonds. Supporting each other's personal and professional growth makes marriage beautiful. Alignment on core beliefs, long-term goals, lifestyle, children, and faith promotes peace in the home.

For the prompt, it asks if I would love a romantic man or a money-centric man. Obviously I want both. I love my partner to be romantic; there wouldn't be a dull moment in the house, and for the money, it is an important factor in marriage. I go by the saying by popular Nigerian pop singer which says, "Love is sweet, but when money enters, love is sweeter." Both financial orgasm and coitus orgasm are what I will go for. I'm not leaving one for another because both orgasms are very important to avoid infidelity in the marriage, which I would never involve myself in, which means both orgasms are well needed in marriage. There is no joy in having a man who can't stand for you when needed, I mean at all times. I definitely want a husband, a brother, a father, and a best friend that I can feel secure with every day and every time.

In marriage, I'm not planning to be the less; I want to be everything my partner wished for. So definitely, I'm going to be a good cook, a good mother, a good wife, and the best friend that my man needs. Being a working-class mother doesn't stop me from performing my duties in my home. My time for work won't affect my family; I'm not going for a nanny to take care of my chores or children. I've always wished to do these things myself. To be sincere, beauty is part of the criteria for marriage, but then it doesn't last, so while going for beauty, I'm making behaviour a priority too. Submission is a major marriage standard, though we have equal rights, but one shouldn't forget that sometimes two captains can't pilot a ship at the same time. One has to step down for the other; if not, there will be a shipwreck. I am more willing to submit to my partner while maintaining a healthy environment for the marriage to thrive and produce healthy and responsible children.

Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.

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