Aquatic illusion- The Ink Well Fiction Prompt #143

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(Edited)

Maria is a young girl, very cheerful and pretty, with yellow curls in her hair that they call her Golden Curls. She is the daughter of a very poor family. She is very dreamy, but with a great theatrical talent. From a very young age, she liked to write and participate in the plays that were performed at the Institute. And in her community, when they celebrate the patron saint festivities of her town, she also likes to swim in the river.

One day her school organized an excursion to a beach in a town a little far from hers. Maria was very excited, because she had never visited a beach before. When she arrived there, she was ecstatic to see the immensity of the sea, her gaze was lost in the horizon as she gazed at it. In the distance, in the depths of its waters, these were outlined with an intense green, the dolphins were playing and enjoying those waters, a gannet, which was flying up, brought her out of her reverie.

On the shore of the beach she could see that there were many coconut trees lined up side by side that offered a beautiful natural landscape, which allowed her to shelter under their shadows. As the sunset, the sun, with its incandescent yellow light, like gold, transformed into a deep red color, like the corals, and the color of the coral trees was translucent.

After they enjoyed a fish stew that they cooked in the campfire, they bathed on the beach, then the group decided to go camping in the tent in front of the campfire that warmed them from the cold.

The next day, very early in the morning, Maria went for a walk along the shore of the beach, a little tired and lay down at the foot of a coconut tree.
Then she plunged into the sea was swept by a magical whirlwind that turned her into a pretty mermaid, she wandered in the depths of the water. The fish were amazed to see how slender her body was. She reached the mermaids' valley and interacted with them there. He did not feel at ease there and decided to leave. Then he walked through the sea at the surface of the water, later he dived into it. There he met a fish, whose skin looked like gold, with glimpses of the colors of the rainbow, and asked him:

"What is your name" he answered:
"Golden."
And you?
"Mermaid."
Then They struck up a conversation.

"How did you manage to avoid getting caught in a fishing line and then being bandaged?"
"Very easy, I run away swimming with my fins, and get away from it as fast as I can."

Later he invited her to swim and they did, they swam through different areas of the deep sea, observed sea urchins, starfish, snails, octopuses and other fish and marine fauna. In the distance they saw some whales. They were very afraid, but continued swimming.

The next day, Dorado invited her to his den, where she met his family and friends. They interacted, told anecdotes, jokes and spent a very pleasant stay.

Months went by and from that friendship, a romance arose between them. One day while they were swimming, he asked her to be his wife. Several mermaids who were next to them became jealous. And an octopus grumbled. María said to him:

"That is impossible I am a mermaid and you are a fish". He very sadly said:
"Never mind, I will love you just the same".

Soon after, he told his mother that he would marry her. At that moment Maria felt an emptiness in her stomach. Her cheeks flushed like the colors of tulips. His mother did not agree. For the same reasons Maria had explained to her. She felt very uncomfortable and internally made up her mind. I will go far away from Dorado where he will not find me.

Several days passed and Dorado never heard from Sirena again. He cried inconsolably. Every fish that passed by him asked them:

Have you seen my beloved Sirena pass by? They would answer him:

"No".
Very scornful and sad he declaimed in the depths of the sea:

Lovely little Mermaid

Who could embrace you

And bring you to the depths of the sea
So that you could help me to declaim.

From where Mary was hidden, she listened to this declamation. A startle made her hear The cry of her companions:

"Maria run, run, get on the bus, let's go back to our homes."
She got on the bus.

Upon arriving home, Maria wrote a play script, entitled "Dorado". Shortly after returning to the Institute, she saw a poster posted on the wall of the school's administration office. It was about a contest that called for scripts for a play that read:

The winner will premiere as the protagonist of his play nationally at the Teresa Carreño Theater. The reception of these scripts will take place at the school's administration. The verdict will be given next week.

Maria looked for her script and entered it where the reception was. Many were those who competed with their scripts. At night she dreamed that she was the winner.

Days passed and Maria was in the classroom, the secretary of the Institute arrived, addressed her and said:

"Maria, to the Director, that you do the favor and stop by her office."

She was surprised, and came quickly, when she arrived the Director said to her:

"Please, have a seat!" she took an envelope from her desk and added:

"Maria your script was the winner, in this envelope are the resources for you to travel to the Teresa Carreño".

She could not contain her joy and shouted:

"Hurray, Hurray" And she asked her:

When do I have to leave? She answered:

"The day after tomorrow".

Finally the day of the presentation at the theater arrived, Maria made her debut and her play was a great success.

Use the Deepl translator

ESPAÑOL

Ilusión acuática

María es una joven, muy alegre y linda, con unos rizos amarillos en su cabellera que la llaman Rizos de oro. Es hija de una familia muy pobre. Es muy soñadora, pero con un gran talento teatral. Desde muy pequeña, le gustaba escribir y participar en las obras de teatro que realizaban en el Liceo. Y en su comunidad, cuando celebran las fiestas patronales de su pueblo, además le gusta nadar en el río.

Un día en su colegio organizaron una excursión a una playa en un pueblo que quedaba un poco distante del de ella. María estaba muy emocionada, porque nunca había visitado una playa. Al llegar a ese sitio, quedó extasiada al mirar la inmensidad de ese mar, su mirada se perdía en el horizonte al contemplarlo. A lo lejos en las profundidades de sus aguas se perfilaban estas con un verde intenso, los delfines jugaban y disfrutaban de esas aguas, un alcatraz, que remontaba el vuelo, la sacó de su ensimismamiento.

En la orilla de la playa ella pudo observar que había muchos árboles de coco alineados uno al lado del otro que ofrecían un bello paisaje natural, que le permitían cobijarse bajo sus sombras. Al caer el ocaso, el sol, con su luz amarilla incandescente, como el oro, se fue transformando en un color rojo intenso, como los corales, trasluciéndose ese color entre los árboles.

Después que disfrutaron un guisado de pescado que cocinaron en la fogata, se bañaron en la playa, Luego el grupo, decidió ir a acampar en la carpa frente a la fogata que los calentaba del frío.

Al día siguiente, bien temprano en la mañana, María Salió a caminar por la orilla de la playa, un poco cansado se recosté al pie de una mata de coco.
Luego se sumergió en el mar fue arrastrada por un torbellino mágico que la convirtió en una linda sirena, se paseaba en las profundidades del agua. Los peces quedaron asombrados al ver lo esbelto que era su cuerpo. Llegó al valle de las sirenas y allí interactuó con ellas. No se sentió a gusto en ese sitio y decidió marcharse. Luego recorrió el mar a flor de agua, más tarde se sumergió dentro de ella. Allí se encontró con un pez, que su piel parecía de oro, con visos de los colores del arco Iris, y le preguntó:

“Cómo te llamas” él respondió:

“Dorado”

¿Y tú?

“Sirena”

Luego entablaron una conversación.

“¿Cómo has hecho para no caer en una atarraya y que luego te vendan?”

“Muy fácil, huyo nadando con mis aletas, y me alejo de ella lo más rápido que puedo”

Más tarde él la invitó a nadar y lo hicieron, nadaron por diversidades áreas de las profundidades del mar, observaron , los erizos de mar, estrellas de mar, caracoles, pulpos y otros peces y elementos de la fauna marina. A lo lejos vieron unas ballenas. Sintieron mucho temor, pero continuaron nadando.

Al día siguiente, Dorado la invitó a su guarida, allí conoció a su familia y amigos. Interactuaron, contaron anécdotas, chistes y pasó esa estadía, muy agradable.

Transcurrieron los meses y de esa amistad, surgió entre ellos un romance. Un día que éllos nadaban él le pidió que fuera su esposa. Varias sirenas que estaban juntos a ellos se pusieron celosas. Y un pulpo refunfuñó. María le dijo:

“Eso es imposible soy una sirena y tú eres un pez”. El con mucha tristeza dijo:

“No importa, te querré de igual manera”.

Al poco tiempo, le dijo a su madre que se casaría con ella. En ese momento María sintio un vacío en su estómago. Sus mejillas se sonrojaron como los colores de los tulipanes. Su madre no estuvo de acuerdo. Por las misma razones que María le había explicado. Ella se sintió muy incómoda e internamente tomó una determinación. Partiré lejos de Dorado donde él no me encuentre.

Pasaron varios días y Dorado no supo más de Sirena. Lloró inconsolablemente. A todos los peces que pasaban junto a él les preguntaba:

¿Has visto pasar a mi amada Sirena? Le respondían:

“No”.

Muy despechado y triste declamaba en las profundidades del mar:

Sirenita encantadora
Quien te pudiera abrazar
Y traerte a la profundidad del mar
Para que me ayudaras a declamar.

Desde donde estaba escondida María, escuchaba esa declamación. Un sobresalto la hizo escuchar El grito de sus compañeras:

"María corre, corre, aborda el bus, regresaremos a nuestras casas"
Ella lo abordó.

Al llegar a su casa María escribió un guión tetral, titulado "Dorado”. Al poco tiempo de haber regresado al Instituto vió un cartel publicado en la pared de la Dirección del plantel. Sobre un concurso En el que se solicitaban guiones de una obra de teatro en el que se leía:

El ganador estrenará como protagonista de su obra a nivel nacional en el Teatro Teresa Carreño. La recepción de estos guiones se realizará en la Dirección de este colegio. El veredicto se dará la próxima semana.

María buscó su guión y lo introdujo en donde era la recepción. Muchos fueron los que concursaron con sus guiones. En las noches soñaba que ella era la ganadora.

Pasaron los días y María estaba en el salón de clases, la secretaria del Instituto llegó, se dirigió a ella y le dijo:

“María, a la Directora, que hagas el favor y pases por su oficina”

Ella se sorprendió, y acudió rápidamente, al llegar la Directora le dijo:

"¡Por favor, toma asiento!" sacó un sobre de su escritorio y acotó:

“María tu guión fue el ganador, en este sobre están los recursos para que viajes al Teresa Carreño”

No pudo contener la alegría y gritó:

“Hurra, Hurra” Y le preguntó:

¿Cuándo tengo que partir? Le respondió:

“Pasado mañana”.

Por fín llegó el día de la presentación en el Teatro, María debutó y su obra teatral, tuvo mucho éxito.

Source from pixabay

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10 comments
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Glad she didn't doubt the dream.
Just look at how it came to pass, her script became the first selected.

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Hello @rammargarita

Your story has lovely descriptions an almost musical cadence. However, it is hard to follow. In this sentence you suddenly change perspective and we don't know how the story suddenly is told from the first person.

After me and my companions enjoyed a fish stew that we cooked in the campfire, we bathed in the beach, then the group decided to go camping in the tent in front of the campfire that warmed us from the cold.

If you go through and fix this confusion we will curate the story for you. The perspective changes further on, also. Try to keep the narrative in the same point of view. If the girl is writing a story, then please be more clear about that. As it stands, we can't follow the thread of the plot.

Try to get that corrected in a few hours. We will be back to check.

Thank you.

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Thank you for your recommendations, I have already edited the story, taking into account your advice. Have a nice evening.

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We have read the play in Spanish because there is still some confusion in the names. The Spanish version makes clear that the confusion is entirely due to translation issues. The word for mermaid is translated two ways in the story: one is mermaid and one is Sirena. In Spanish, however, the word for mermaid is consistently Sirena and there is no confusion.

It is a lovely story, with wonderful, lyrical descriptions. You have a strong arc and good resolution.

It is difficult to prevent translation issues, but they can ruin a very good piece (which this is).

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Thank you for your recommendations and for giving me the opportunity to edit my story. Have a nice day.

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¡¡¡¡I like it when good dreams come true!!!! But certainly, there is some confusion in the story. I'm sure you can solve it. Regards

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Thank you for your comment. I have already edited it. Have a nice evening

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I couldn't follow this story properly. But, I think I got the idea of it.

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I edited it and it turned out better. Thanks for your comment. Have a nice day

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