It’s my birthday today… but why do I feel like this?

Today’s my birthday. I should be happy, right? But I’m not. I don’t feel okay. It’s not that I’m ungrateful — I am, really. It’s just that something inside me feels heavy. I can’t seem to find the positive side of things right now.

Back in 2019, I already had something I really wanted — a motorbike worth ₱600k. My dream bike. My wife supported me, she even said she’s willing to help me buy it. But I had doubts. I didn’t want to buy it on installment. Gusto ko cash, buo agad. So I held back.

Instead, I focused on saving and investing — putting my money into my business and other ventures that I thought would help me grow my funds faster so I could buy the bike outright. Walang utang. Mas practical.

Eventually, I told my wife: “Let’s wait. Delayed gratification muna.” And thank God I did. Because just a month after that… the world went into lockdown. One of my biggest income-generating businesses had to temporarily close. I remember telling myself, “Thank You, Lord, you stopped me from rushing into that.”

Had I pushed through, I would’ve been buried in stress. Monthly payments, zero usage — ‘di ba ang sakit sa ulo nun?

From 2020 to 2025, my business slowly recovered. But that high-income stream never came back. The market changed. It became more of a liability. So I shifted focus to another business — the one I didn’t give much attention to before. Turns out, it was the one giving me steady cashflow all along.

Then, just recently, I felt that urge again — maybe it’s time to get that bike. Not because I want to flex or show off. Never been my thing. It’s just… that specific bike brings me joy. I could get a cheaper one, sure. But it wouldn’t feel the same. You know that kind of happiness na kahit simpleng bagay lang, it makes you smile just thinking about it?

And I know myself — I’m a careful driver. Whether it’s a car or a motorcycle, I don’t speed, I don’t take risks. Chill lang ako lagi.

But every time I get closer to buying it… something happens. A problem in the business. An unexpected expense. Lagi na lang may aberya. So instead of getting the bike, I use my savings to cover those things — which is still the right thing to do. I’d rather keep the business afloat than get my dream and lose everything else. Tama naman ‘di ba?

There were also times I saw accidents on my feed — motorcycle crashes, deaths, news after news. And it discouraged me again. So I bought an electric scooter and a drone instead. Para lang mawala yung “itch” ko to ride. Pero ang scooter, pang malapit lang. Di kaya ng long rides.

Then came 2025. I told my wife, “Let’s go to Kawasaki. Let’s check it out.” First time naming dalawa pumunta to look at bikes. And surprise — they had my dream model in stock! I joked, “Should we just buy it now?” And she was totally onboard.

But I said, “Not yet. Let me get my safety gear first — helmet, jacket, all the essentials.” She supported me fully. Everything was smooth… until may isang kontra.

I get the concern. But the timing? On my birthday pa talaga?

She told my wife not to let me buy the bike because she had a dream — a nightmare, actually — na naaksidente daw ako sa motor and died. And I was like… seriously?

Why does it feel like I’m the only one not allowed to be happy?

Other people can ride. Other people can live their dreams. Why can’t I?

And if something did happen to me — what could I do? All I know is I’m not a reckless driver. I don’t take chances. Kaya ‘di ko talaga maintindihan. Parang unfair.

They said, “Just don’t buy it. No harm in waiting.” But what about the joy I’ve been waiting for? For years? What about that?

I get frustrated. Honestly. Every time I make a decision for myself, someone’s always against it. But when I ask for support in business or a new opportunity, all I hear is negativity. No encouragement. No optimism. Parang walang kwenta ang ideas ko kasi hindi yun ang ginagawa nila.

And then they say, “Wala pa ring tatalo sa negosyo namin.” Sure, fine. But am I just supposed to sit and wait for them to hand it over? Eh paano kung wala naman akong napapala sa negosyo nila? That’s why I started building my own — trying different things para may mapala rin ako.

But all they see is, “Mahina yung tindahan mo.” “Lugi ka na.” “Saan napunta ang pera mo?” Like… seriously?

One time, I borrowed money — short term lang — because may kailangan akong bayaran agad. I was going to pay it back in a day or two. Pero ang daming sinasabi agad. Parang luging-lugi na ako sa mata nila. Wala man lang benefit of the doubt.

They don’t understand. Business isn’t always stable. Minsan timing lang ang problema. Hindi ibig sabihin palpak na agad. But they’re so blinded by the “one business to rule them all” mindset. Lahat ng iba, wala. Lahat ng iba, mali.

Today, on my birthday, I just feel full of anger and frustration. I can’t see anything positive right now. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe I just needed to write this.

This isn’t a motivational post. Wala munang happy ending.

It’s just me… ranting. On my birthday.