I Just Can't Help It.

I believe that a child's parent, the kind of people close to a child, the environment, and what a child sees and hears the most are big factors that will influence the kind of person a child will become. There is a place of moral training from parents and people closest to a child, there's the place of training and teachings from school, especially nursery and primary, even religious beliefs and there's the place of what is common or mostly done in the environment: I mean, the trending things that happen in an environment. All of these things have an impact on what a child will become.

I was that kind of boy that grew up with church goers or believers and people that held their cultural beliefs and morals with so much regard. I turn here and I'm already seeing someone that is from my church or someone that knows my parent. We were drilled in morals and good behaviors, trained as though we would go bad after a short while, so the need to always check us was consistent. This adult is correcting something, and next you move a bit or few mor6ugle minutes later another adult has seen something to correct or adjust. Used to feel like they weren't giving us space to breath or grow up in our own space. There's hardly a place we would go and will not find someone that will want to correct us: they literally don't turn blind eyes when they see something bad. These kind of system where there was no place or way to misbehave successfully 😅, was really helpful to easily notice any wrong and correct it while it is still early, there were a lot of people that could correct and punish me asides my parents. It was not the best kind of system, had just little demerits but was worth it.

To a very large extent, this kind of system for many years helped shape me and others into a better person in the society (not perfect person). We were the good children used as example for other children to follow, it wasn't our choice but a result of the kind of training we had growing up. So, there are certain things I couldn't do because of how I was brought up. And up till date, I can't do it even when my parents can no longer beat or reprimand me.

Stealing, in every sense and or perspective is something I can't do, I can't just bring myself to do it. I can maybe be everything asides a thief. I remember lots of times when myself and other friends or school mate had the chance to take what's not ours and go freely but I couldn't join them or try to talk them out of it. I am not perfect but I can't just help it, my heart is always so heavy and full of fear: the fear of how bad it is and what would happen if I ever get caught. And it is not also from a place of satisfaction, I still have so many needs that gets me worried but if it's not mine, then let it not be found with me.

Few years back when cyber crime was rampant amongst my age mate. I just graduated from senior secondary school when it was a trend, I was introduced, told, advised and shown a lot about cyber crime but I couldn't do it. First it was bad, it's a crime and then my mind can't take that kind of risk to get money. I see how much money those guys get after being consistent with it, the phones, watches, food and places they go: I want all that, so tempting but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried it for some weeks but couldn't keep up because my mind couldn't rest, always mysteriously heavy and I was grown enough that my parents would not be able to stop me, but I just couldn't tame my mind, so restless and heavy.

And in like manner, I hate any joke related to stealing, I frown at it seriously. Jokes like saying I was the one who took a missing item, even when it's obviously a joke, I don't smile at it. You can't talk me into taking what's not mine, I'd rather keep my name and reputation from any stain. I also grew up with same kind of family friends and neighbors.

The training, teaching, advices, and all our parents and people around gave us and the several ways they taught us instilled that in us. I can vouch for some of these guys with anything, that they wouldn't take what's not theirs, because there have been bad days that stealing felt like the only and best option we had but never stole. How can we now steal when things are a lot better?. Not trying to portray myself as righteous but it was a training, a belief system instilled in us and it hasn't worn out. Then, the feeling of doing something wrong can never feel right: you'd only try to find excuses to justify it to seem right, but it is never right.