When Standards Become Burdens

Hearing the word “standard,” it sounds more like something noble; like something that pushes and inspires us to become better, more disciplined, and more successful.

But in a country like Nigeria, survival alone has been seen as a full-time job, and that’s where you hear the phrase, “survival of the fittest.” If you aren’t surviving, you are lazy. This is how society has painted it. And if you’d like to know, some of these standards can feel more like heavy burdens that have gone far beyond mere inspiration.

Growing up in Nigeria, I realised that Nigerians are constantly measured against expectations that sometimes aren’t realistic. It begins with how we are supposed to live our lives, look our best, talk elegantly, worship in the right way that feels acceptable to them, and even succeed.

This pressure starts early. At age 23, you’re expected to have bagged your first degree, secure a stable job immediately after NYSC, own a car and a house even before age 30, and of course, be married. Society seems to have planned everything for you.

For women, society has made us believe that there is a timeline for them, and when they don’t get married at a certain age, they say time has gone and that she has reached menopause — can’t give birth anymore. Who said so? Don’t we see miracles of women in their 60s giving birth to children (twins, triplets, even quadruplets)?

This is to tell you that these timelines are unrealistic, especially in a system where job opportunities are scarce, inflation keeps rising, and most people are hustling, doing their best to make ends meet for themselves and their families.

How about social media? That’s another world entirely, and this has also added fuel to the fire. You see platforms like Instagram and TikTok creating a world where everyone appears to be doing well without showing the real battles they are facing. You see people your age driving nice cars, travelling to countries on vacations, flaunting their new apartments, and living luxuriously.

They don’t show the full picture, and no one knows how they are struggling behind the scenes or perhaps how long it took them to get there. Unfortunately, this illusion sets a false benchmark.

When young people who haven’t attained such heights see these, they feel like failures, blaming their background and circumstances because they don’t measure up to the people they see online flaunting their achievements.

The truth is that, we all are different, and everyone has their own path, and those paths will never look the same. We don’t have to feel bad about this.

In the cultural setting, Nigeria also sets expectations that are almost impossible to meet. For example, a man who is not able to provide, even before he is financially stable, is judged as “not fit to be a man.” The same applies to a woman. She is seen as incomplete or unserious with her life if she doesn’t get married at a certain age.

These pressures make people fall into traps and make mistakes that cannot be easily erased. Sometimes, I wonder who even created these standards. And why do we still follow them when we already know they don’t fit our current reality?

We laugh at most of these expectations because they aren’t real. Tell me, why would you expect a graduate who is unemployed or underpaid to be “successful” by society’s definition? This is why people are taking multiple jobs and side hustles just to survive. Still, the standards don’t change or adjust to fit everyone’s needs.

Whether you are working or not, it is expected that you get married at a certain age, have a nice car, own an apartment, and if you don’t, and are still living with your parents, then you lack vision and have no shame. Honestly, I just shake my head!

It’s no surprise that many Nigerians today are struggling with health challenges because they keep hustling harder without taking a break. They aren’t even encouraged to rest, reflect, or accept that growth takes time.

Societal standards become unrealistic, and the earlier we accept that truth, the better the world will be. In fact, the Bible warns us not to believe in the world’s ideologies or beliefs but in God’s, which are found in His Word. Society might create unrealistic standards, but with God, there’s always a way, and reality is revealed to us.

One thing I actually love about Nigerians is their resilience; my people are hardworking and are constantly trying to make something meaningful at the end of the day.

But I would like to end on this note: while our realities differ, so do our journeys. Instead of depending on society’s standards, why don’t we make up our minds to live with intentionality and authenticity? To measure our progress not by comparing ourselves to others but by how far we’ve come from where we started.

And guess what? Since we are doing our best to stay sane, to survive, and to keep moving forward, we are already victorious, no matter what anyone might say. That alone is worth celebrating.

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