The One Thing I Want to Remove and the One I Can’t Let Go

If I could remove one thing from my life to enhance it in every way, it would be my habit of making excuses. And the hardest thing for me to eliminate is my struggle with asking for help.

There is no one who doesn't want a better life, but there are some things that hold us back from fulfilling our purposes or moving ahead. For most people, being stuck in such things has kept them caged for so long that it's hard to progress. I'm one of those people too, and for as long as I can remember, even from my childhood, I have always made excuses for everything because I want to defend myself. But sometimes, it doesn't go well, especially in some situations.

I used to make excuses for even the silliest things, things that could have been answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ But somehow, I always felt the need to prove my point even when it wasn’t necessary. Growing up, this habit became so ingrained in me that I began depending on lies to defend those excuses. And in the end, I feel guilty. I used to tell myself, "If only I could stop making excuses and just take responsibility for my mistakes."

Most times, my excuses stem from my forgetfulness so much that I would beat myself up over it, deciding to change but never actually doing it. There was a time I was given an opportunity, but I let it slip through my fingers because of my forgetfulness, and when asked, I kept piling up excuses upon excuses, trying to defend myself and shift the blame elsewhere. It’s especially hard on days when I sit and reflect on it. In many ways, I have tried to keep my answers short, but not without unintentionally making excuses.

My habit of making excuses has become so deeply rooted that it feels like a bad habit I can't shake off. Many times, I find myself brooding over it and wishing I could change it. But perhaps there are ways to improve. I have been working on myself for a while now, trying to be more mindful of my words. Instead of expanding my responses unnecessarily and making them sound like excuses, I focus on keeping them concise unless, of course, I am asked to explain further, depending on the circumstances.

One Thing I Find Hard to Eliminate: Not Asking for Help

In this aspect, I would say I learned to be independent from a young age and not ask for help. I remember struggling to call my aunties on the phone for help, and my friends and siblings would say, "But they are your family. The worst they can say is ‘no.’" But sincerely, I hate to be disappointed because I'm too emotional. Before I know it, tears would start dropping from my eyes. That mindset grew with me, and I became so used to not asking for help.

But as I grew older, I began to understand things differently. I started asking for help though mostly from my siblings because, no matter what, even if they declined my request, I wouldn’t be mad at them. After all, they are my family.

It’s hard for me to ask others for help because, first, I don’t like to bother people. I assume they already have their own problems to deal with. So, I keep things to myself until someone notices something is wrong and asks me about it. Only then do I use that avenue to express my need. Otherwise, I struggle to ask, even when I’ve been told to always speak up especially when it comes to financial matters.

I love to handle things on my own and wouldn’t ask for help unless I am left with no other option. On no account would I ever say, "I need you to help me with this," until I started making conscious efforts to change. But even now, it's still something I find hard to eliminate because I naturally prefer doing things alone.

This attitude of mine has made people assume I don't have any problems. And because I rarely ask for financial help, some people even think I’m well-off so much so that they start asking me for financial assistance, and when I tell them I don’t have, some still don’t believe me.

It’s just so difficult to ask for help.

Overcoming these habits is not easy, but I am working on them. Letting go of excuses will help me take more responsibility, and learning to ask for help will allow me to grow in ways I never imagined.

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