Reflections and Realizations

I've found myself taken aback by the last few years of my life, and how things unfolded during my journey. Lately, I've been seething with regret, constantly replaying what could have been if I'd made different choices. I wish I could turn back the clock and fix those errors, putting myself in a better place. I often tell myself, "If I'd been serious then, I would have gone far and be somewhere different instead of where I am now." These thoughts bring tears to my eyes, and I'm left wondering what could have been.

I have shared stories of how my life was in the past, how I was nonchalant about my academics even when my parents would warn me every time to face my studies and not think about having a boyfriend because that was all that occupied my mind even in class while teachings were going on.

I was always envious of my friends who had boyfriends and would have lots of stories to share every day at school, and because I had none to share, would sit down with my hands under my cheeks, listening to them gist when there were lots of notes to copy which would be sitting on my desk closed.

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I was among the unserious students in the class, even though I always sat in the front. Whenever a teacher came into the class to teach us, if it was a subject I liked, I would sit in class but if it was one I didn't like, I would sneak out to the next classroom where there was no teacher at that moment. The worst of my subjects were Mathematics and Biology, so I had zero interest in them.

When the final year examination came, I didn't put in extra effort because I was too busy making calls every night till dawn with the popular free midnight calls instead of reading extensively, knowing that the exam would determine if I would gain admission into the university or not. All in my mind was just to graduate and stop waking up every morning to go to school. The exam came and ended with all final year students jubilating and when the graduation day came, it was all fun as we all gathered to take pictures, bid ourselves greater heights and all sorts.

After many months of staying at home, our results came out. I checked mine but the grades were nothing to write home about. My parents were disappointed in me, same with my family.

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It was time to work the process into the university and was told my results could not perform any magic. My Dad showed a few of his friends who were learned to know if my results would fit into a university but everyone kept saying I needed to resit for another examination as the one with me could not take me anywhere.

I got lots of insults from my family who kept saying if I had known, I would have focused on my education and made my results once and not wasted time when I ought not to. I felt bad with insults here and there. The fact that I kept seeing some of my college mates in the university while some had excelled in other areas turned into a wake-up call for me to sit tight and be serious with myself so I could enter the university.

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While I was taken to live with my aunt in another city, the only solution I kept receiving was to resit another exam and not only that, I had to be a student in a school to get registered with them for the examination. I felt ashamed of myself as I realized I would have to enrol in another secondary school when I had already graduated.

My aunt got me registered in a government school which was close to her house and I had to sit with the final-year secondary school students for a few months till they graduated. Putting on their school uniform was embarrassing to me every day but that was the only way I could be seen as a student and be registered for the exam.

My family's constant insults and my college mates I kept viewing Facebook profiles to see how they were in higher institutions while I was still at home were a wake-up call for me to be serious with my life, and after writing the examination, I got Cs — credit on all my subjects and had to use the result to gain admission into a college of education because after several attempts to get into a university, I couldn't and for me not to sit back at home and waste another year, I went for my Nigerian Certificate in Education (NCE) program and here I am today grateful for how things turned out and how those experiences shaped me in someone different from the past.

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