My Mini-Balance Parenting

I may not have given birth, but motherhood found me nine years ago.

I have a junior sister who is 21 years old and ever since our mom died, she was around 12 years then, she has been in our care (my sisters and I), seeing to it that she never lacked anything and most importantly, to value whatever comes to her. She's at the university and in 300 level.

I would say she spent most of the years while I was around to look after her. One thing we keep reminding her of is to always come to us when she needs anything and to be content with what she has.

Anytime I travelled home, I always see to it that I call her to the room while giving her instances and tips of how I've lived my life and also what we expect from her, too.

_{My sister}

But with the time she'd spent at my place recently, I knew how tough parenthood is, especially when handling little kids and even a younger adult like her. She came to spend three weeks with me, and I would tell you, she made me see myself becoming a prospective mother someday, and I have been trying to guide her in my best way, just as I was taught by our parents.

I could remember my mom's words years ago when she told me I'm like a mother to my younger siblings, and yes, I have tried my best to guide them while making them live lives most simply, just like me.

Living a minimalist lifestyle isn't just new to me because I have practised it while growing up as a young teenager, and so, impacting my siblings' lives with the same lifestyle was unavoidable.

One thing I have practised with my sister is being intentional in dealing with her. If there's something I have learnt from experience, a parent should understand how to deal with their kids based on their ages because the way you'd teach a 3-year-old child would be different to an 18-year-old adult, but in everything, wisdom is needed.

When she was with me, I made her understand my simple life and in everything I do, being organised has been my mantra. For instance, I taught her how to wash, dry, fold and put away clothes promptly. When she first came, I made her know I don't pile up my dirty clothes but to wash every 2-3 days to avoid having loads of them in the basket.

She told me it was different for her while in school because she only did her laundry on Saturdays, when she had the time, especially when she had gone to lectures for the week.

I made her understand how important it is not to have too many dirty clothes, so it won't drain her energy when she's about to wash them. Also, it saves time, I told her. How to manage resources and be time conscious are what I emphasise, too.

Another thing is ensuring she understands how important it is to create time for the things that matter to her and, most importantly, to live with simplicity. When I see her taking note of the little things around her which wasn't part of her in the past, I know she has taken a lot from me and that has impacted her life greatly.

One major aspect is saving and spending on things that are needed. With the little time she spent, I made her watch how I spent, mostly on essential things we needed in the house, and only to spend on something she wanted as a way of appreciating her effort for something. I hate to see her wasting money on what's not but to be minimal in everything about her.

Something happened in church one evening. After the service, a small girl asked her for money with the excuse that she was thirsty and wanted to buy water to drink. Out of her kindness, she requested that I help her while she returned it. I didn't want to scold her in the presence of the little kids, so I waited until we got home.

Then, I explained to her that though it's good to be kind and helpful, one has to be wise, too. It's not everyone who comes to you for help, you should help, especially with silly excuses or when it's not available, else you might find yourself pleasing everybody at the expense of your happiness and not managing what you have.

I let her know that the girl's parents were in church and she could just tell them instead of coming to her. Also, that she could just wait to get home, which was behind the church, and drink water while she spends the money on biscuits, she might not even tell her parents about it. She thanked me after that and told me how she'd picked something from that experience.

I watched my sister grow into a mature girl who also mentioned many things she has learnt from me and applied to her life. Things like saving for emergencies and not needing to disturb us, wanting to dress smartly, knowing when and when not to buy things, and being conscious of her fashion sense.

Her time with me had helped me realise how intentional a parent needs to be when on the parenthood journey. It hasn't been easy for me, too, because times I'd have to scream at and shout at my sister for a little mistake she makes, but I also try to understand her situation, realising mistakes are inevitable and they can happen to anyone as long as we are human.

I have learnt that parenthood isn't a title but a choice and I have been living it with every simple, intentional act of love.

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_{Images are mine}