Minimalism and Boundaries: Finding Peace in a Life of Intentional Giving [KISS #123]
Every time I look back to my life and compare it to now, things have changed in my lifestyle and being mindful of what I do, how I live my life and who I decide to come into my life has had a big transformation in who I am now.
Looking back, I have always said yes to everything even when I did not feel like it because I wanted to please those people who came around, making myself seen as the cheerful giver of money, time and resources. These things have drained me so much especially with those who do not value my presence but want to extort from me because they know I wouldn't say no to their request — to them, I am that merciful girl who prioritises their lives to mine.
It took me over 2 years to finally understand what I have been putting myself into, trying to please other people while I try to run around sorting myself out later. That moment someone comes to me for help and knowing that is the last one on me but decide to give because of how they would paint their problems, and because I feel they have a bigger problem than mine at that moment, I would give them, only to realise what a fool I have been as I would start to run around looking for where to get money to settle myself.
There are some people that I have decided to ignore no matter how ugly they present their problems as I have understood that you cannot help everyone. Not everyone are going through a problem as they would lie about it.
Some will take advantage of you, and this, I have learnt for a while now. Seeing my decision to put a stop to such a lifestyle of pleasing everyone, I have seen that big change in my life and one I do not need to worry about.
Reflecting on how my generous lifestyle intersects with minimalism and how it has impacted my life has been nothing but my consciousness and determination to let go of some things through decluttering and making a new change in my finances and lifestyle.
Being intentional in my giving as minimalism is concerned has made me develop some positive effects along the line and here I will be sharing them with you all.
Discerning: Discernment is like knowing the right from the wrong and being able to do what is best for you. With this effect, I have been able to make wise and thoughtful judgments about who I give to.
Recently, I got a message from a total stranger requesting I give her a loan to treat herself for sickness. I didn't know this lady and how she got my number was surprising to me. Normally, using such an excuse of being sick could have made me believe and send it to her because of my soft heart, I immediately told her I didn't have it and that was the truth. I couldn't see myself helping someone when I had responsibilities to attend to at that point.
Such a person might not return the money, making me look like a fool to be quick to grant her request without thinking it first.
Refining my social circle: You would agree with me that not all people are in your life for the best, some come to take from you and not give back and it hurts when you find out that people are only there because you have it and when you don't have, they disappear.
Sitting down to rethink my generous lifestyle and one where I don't think before doing it, I have come to disassociate myself from those who do not give their time and energy to me but drain me of my resources and time. If there is something I ever wanted from people, it is to nurture meaningful relationships with them just as I do, but not everyone deserves your time and energy.
The last time I spoke with my younger sister, we talked about friends who could lend us some amount of money and I quickly told her she is my friend in that regard as I had to think about those I could run to for help but finding none, it makes me sad. Well, I am grateful for the online space I am where I have a few friends who I can always run to and would be willing to help.
Developing healthier boundaries: I have learnt to say "no" to those who drain my resources and disrespect my time. This is something I have struggled with for a long time where I keep saying yes and not value my time all because I want to make other people happy while I am trying to catch up with things I don't have which I have without thought given out.
This is not me saying I don't like giving, but giving wisely and knowing the right ones to give is what matters. Not the ones who will make you regret your actions because the next time you will hear from them is when they need your assistance and such a thing would make you think if you are serious with your life too.
With all these positive effects, a lot has changed, from being at peace with myself to having a few people who are truly intentional about my friendship with them and seeing that big difference in my finances.
All images belong to me
Thanks for your time reading. Looking forward to your interaction.
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I agree with giving wisely. I understand because I am a very big giver as well. I have countless loans I have given out to people who have failed to fulfil their promises.
So, giving when you also need the fund is an unintelligent thing to do. One has to be careful because people will always have a problem they need help with.
Exactly my point. Giving wisely is the best thing. Some people will come to loan from you and when it's time to pay back, they start giving excuses which might end up into a fight too. One just have to be careful.
Yeah. That's why if someone needs a loan from me, I'd rather give what I know I can let go than giving them the actual money.
Wow, I learnt a lot from this. As a retiring people pleaser, I understand where you come from when you say you give to people because of your kind heart.
But the more I've grown the more I've come to realise that takers have no limit. And so as a giver, you have to set the limit for them. Or else, they will use your eyes to see what your mouth cannot talk 😆.
All in all, balance is very important.
Yes, they will keep coming as there is no limit until you decide to set it for them. They don´t care to keep receiving as long as you always give. So, you have to put the boundary for them.
If we do not learn to say no and know when to give and when not to, there are people who will never stop taking advantage of our kindness and drain our time and hard-earned resources.
I used to put people's needs above mine as well, but I have learned my lessons and now know better.
Setting healthy boundaries and striking a balance is very important if we want to be at peace with ourselves due to 9ur generous nature.
Exactly. Setting boundaries and creating balance is very important, else, they will keep coming to drain the hell out of you until there is nothing left.
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Using your brain instead of heart makes a difference both economically and social peace. Giving is good enough but remaining strict in your polices can save your life too. I appreciate your perspective in minimalism no matter if you have to cut short your social circle or to say no wisely.
You are correct. We must use our brains instead of our hearts. Thank you for your time reading my post.
This image belongs to millycf1976 and was manipulated using Canva.
Thank you, too.
Developing healthy boundaries is very vital for us to function well and thrive, while trying to put smiles on people's face we shouldn't forget to make ourselves happy first, we shouldn't please others at our own detriment.
Popped in from Dreemport, always an awesome #dreemerforlife
That is the summary of it all. Putting ourselves first is important 👌
It was a nice reflection of life, excellent anecdotes and lessons learned.
#dreemerforlife
The person that came to you, I mean the stranger, did you try finding out if the person is a real human or a casual scammer?😅
For me, I've learned how to say NO to people begging here and there. I'm not Jesus Christ
Really as we grow we become wiser and much experienced with how to deal with life situations. Giving is sometimes a complicated stuff, but we just need to be intentional about whatever we do
Yes, being intentional is the key.