Managing The Emotion — Anger: A Personal Story!!!

I was reading @emrysjobber article on "Anger Management" and I remembered a situation I was in some weeks ago. I thought I have been working on my anger issues, I would say yes, especially to outsiders as I tend to control my emotions and calm down when I am hurt by people, but to those close to me, like family, close friends, I tend to express my anger on them, maybe because I think they understand me well and would be patient with me and I, also would try not to overdo things so it doesn't escalate. On many occasions, I know when I am at fault, would apologise.

So, I met this guy and I have seen a little bit of seriousness in him, well, still studying him. He told me he is into music and is a guitarist who plays at events where he is called to come and play for them. He already told me his schedules whenever he has a play in and outside the town. I understood him. But on this day, I unleashed my anger on him.

It happened that I had expected him to call me this very day but didn't. I should have been patient, I then went ahead and said, "If this guy doesn't call me till I sleep off that night, I won't pick up his calls all through the next day" I was angry and thought of ending the relationship even if this issue leads to it, I do not mind. Lo and behold, he didn't call.

The next day came, he called severally in the morning and the anger aroused, I refused to pick up. He called many times and in the end, I eventually picked it up. He asked why I didn't pick and told him I just didn't want to, I was boiling with anger in my mind, and then he cut the call; he was angry too. We didn't speak after that. I already made up my mind and was waiting for the last word "I can't do this anymore".

He came around later that night, I wasn't expecting him. He had to explain everything about how he got home late around 1 am that night when I was expecting him to call and he assumed I would have slept and decided to call me early in the morning which I didn't pick up. When he explained himself, I felt guilty. I know I was at fault. I immediately apologised and we ended it there.

I used to advise my friends not to get angry, especially with someone they haven't seen or heard from, but here I am doing the opposite. I allowed my anger to take over me and didn't let me hear from him.

This is what anger does. It makes you ruin things up to the point that it becomes hard to resolve the issues, which could only take big interventions to resolve them. Anger brings different bad thoughts in your mind and everything you keep thinking is how to make things worse, how to take revenge and how to hurt the other person, not realising the one who will be hurt more is you.

Yes, it's normal to get angry because we are humans, but we shouldn't let it get the best of us. Sometimes when we get angry, it may be for a reason well understood but we must work towards suppressing our emotion so it doesn't escalate matters.

There is one effective method to overcoming anger, it is to drink some water and count from one to ten while angry and by the time you count up to 10, you will feel calm. This means we should be calm before reacting. Practicing some breathing exercises like inhale and exhale. We can always identify situations that trigger our anger because if we do not, it makes us do things in the wrong way and our eyes are opened when the deed is done.

There was a movie I watched some years ago, the man had anger issues and when at his workplace, he tried to use a phrase as a reminder not to get angry, it says: my emotions will not get the best of me. I can control myself. I used this technique then also and it was working. So many times, I try to control myself and would tell myself to calm down when I am angry but one would want to do things their way until they are brought back to reality and would be back to their normal self.

Most people feel the only way to get things done in their way is to exercise anger but it doesn't go as planned in the end and one would have to face the consequences later on. Anger brings pride and at that point, one is only acting on a controlling spirit that wants them to be embarrassed. Just like Emrysjobber said in his post, "an angry man is like a mad person" because not a wise person would give in to anger but to control themselves so they don't do things they would regret later.

When you are angry, you cannot listen to anyone at that moment. Anger makes one's eyes closed until something terrible happens and the end goal of it leads to feelings of shame and disgrace.

So, when you are angry and realise you are at fault, apologise immediately and never feel too proud about it. When you are angry, think before doing anything rather than think after something bad has been done.

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