That One Time

For as long as I can remember, I've never tried to fit into a place where I clearly know I'm not wanted, because everything would feel off for me and just not be right.

But sadly, there was this one time that I could remember where I tried being friends with a friend group that clearly was not interested in being friends with me.

_{photo by Darya Jum}

This was many years ago when I was still part of a local football club in our area. We would occasionally go for training, and I remember back then, the captain of our team, along with his twin brother, was the coach's favorite. So they got all the best information first; they got to visit the coach in his home and just hang out with him.

Now I wanted all of that; I wanted to be friends with the coolest guys on the team, I wanted to get the premium information, and I also wanted to be able to hang out at the coach's home with the boys occasionally.

Unfortunately, the boys didn't want any of that, and they weren't exactly shy to let me know their minds. Every time I tried contributing to their conversations or tried getting involved in stuff that mainly concerned them, I could see the looks on their faces and how they would mostly ignore my input or just not dwell on it much.

One time we had gone to a very far place to play a match, and on our way back (I had decided to walk home with them), they had all gotten into a commercial bus; a few of them had to sit on the laps of other teammates just to make the fare cheaper, but none of them even looked at me.

I walked home that day, walking for almost two hours. That was probably the day I decided to get the message and be by myself. I also quit the team not too long after, a decision I probably wouldn't have made, but I was young back then and really felt hurt by everything that happened.

That was probably the one time I tried fitting into a place I wasn't wanted, and trust me when I say it was the last.