Speechless

Late last year, during when everyone had traveled back home and it was just myself and few of my friends around, I was sitting with a very very close friend of mine when he decided to be in his feelings and open up to me.

I'm not usually one who gets tongue tied ever so often, especially when talking to friends like this but this was the first time I really was hearing my friend open up to me like this, so when he said to me that he didn't think he would still be alive till this day if I wasn't in his life, I became speechless.

Usually, hearing him say something like that would have made me burst out in laughter which I tried to do that day, but seeing the look on his face and how serious he was, it felt improper to laugh because this was a brother pouring his heart out and thanking another brother.

_{photo by Kartabya Aryal}

We usually don't do this everyday (or ever) so I didn't know how to react but did the only thing I could do or say, I told him to thank God instead of me.

The reason why he had made that statement if you're wondering, was because we sort of were doing a recap of the year and how we were able to survive it, irrespective of all the obstacles we encountered, and that was when he made that statement, implying that I've always been there for him when he needed me to.

The fact that I could tell it came from his heart, made it feel a lot more special to me. He didn't have to do that, he knew he didn't have to do that, but the fact he did made me feel some kind of way, like a mixture of emotions but with one of them being more obvious, and that's none other than sadness.

Because in as much as he was being thankful, something about his voice that day sounded very sad and that was why I had immediately changed the topic because I didn't know how to react and it was becoming too awkward for me.

Anyways, for some reason I just can't seem to get that moment off my head and it just makes me want to help more, even though I'm not particularly sure how I had helped him in the first place, other than giving him a plate or two every now and then.