Love, Is Not Enough
Aside from the general definition of marriage as a union between a man and a woman, we all have our different definitions and views of marriage. Here in my country, marriage is seen as a very important achievement that everyone must partake in. Not only is it an important achievement, but it is an achievement that is expected to come at the right time. Your mother not only reminds you of marriage but also lets you know that you are very ripe for it. The problems come when you are not ready, or when you are ready and your partner is not ready. This is when you will hear statements like 'all my friends are married, except me.' It becomes worse when you are still single and searching. At this point, no one is thinking of what marriage is; the hurry is after fantasies maybe that of wedding gowns, suits, flowers, or rings. We forget the most important thing of staying married after getting married.
While some will say I'm searching for true love, others will say I'm searching for my 'missing rib'. I personally love to use the latter phrase because I believe so much in compatibility. Love is not enough for a marriage to be successful. Compatibility and chemistry are also important.
You can imagine a scenario of getting married to the one your heart beats for, the one you truly love. But as time goes by, you realize you both argue about everything, there's no understanding of each other, and no one wants to yield. You will hear some couples say 'this is not the person I got married to; he/she has changed'. Now the truth is that whatever it is, it was there from the beginning; nothing has changed, maybe they were all covered by the heat of love. But I don't believe that; I believe the arising problems of incompatibility were overlooked because we thought the person would change because he/she loves us, or we thought that we would be able to manage them and see them as shortcormings.
Anyway, these are the reasons why there's always courtship before marriage. It is a pity that some people go through that stage without making the most use of it. Their main focus may be on social media and unnecessary intimacy. What they get after marriage are unbearable problems that arise from incompatibility and lack of natural chemistry, which may unfortunately lead to divorce.
I see marriage as a dual adventure of two matured people who love, understand, and have genuine concern and respect for each other. They are 80% compatible and have the tendency to adjust to each other in certain circumstances.
No one should be forced into marriage, and somehow I wish our old people can understand that things are a bit different now from their time, so they won't push their children too much into relationships.
I don't know what your opinion is about this topic; this is just my own views on it. Feel free to express it in the comments section.
Thank you so much for reading, I truly appreciate.
This post is in response to #aprilinleo daily prompt, day 21st. You can check it out here
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The world in which we live has changed the dynamic of marriage. Whereas my husband and I married young; I was 20 he was 25, we were not the same as people of today at that same age. I might add we are still together; still love each other despite not always seeing eye to eye, and still hold hands after almost 43 years (this July) of marriage.
I do not believe anyone should be forced into marriage because of culture or tradition; it is a recipe for disaster as you mentioned. I think young people of today do indeed, need to take the time to court one another and determine whether or not the love they share will endure through the good times and the bad times; in sickness and in health.
Thank you for your article and have a lovely day!🤗💜
Awww! I tap from your grace, to have a beautiful marriage life too!
Only God knows how I always feel when I see older couple who are still deeply in love with each other.
Times have really changed, and we don't know how the future will be concerning things like these.
I truly appreciate your comment,thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience💝💝.
Thank you @phyna! To everything, there is a season.......it will happen when it's meant to.
Take care my friend!🤗💜
Lack of Communication is cited the issue many times, making clear about what each others expectations of the marriage are, the short and long termed goals, where the line is drawn your own family and his family matters. It's better to take the time to know your partner before you commit. There's a saying, "If you want to know how your partner will treat you in the future, see how his father treats his mother."
This is very true. Communication is very important in any relationship. Though I've seen people who does not know how to express themselves properly, this normally brings misunderstanding.
And this saying is true, because we learn a lot from our parents. They influence our character and the person we become. However, sometimes children grow to know that their parents were not doing right, and they try not to repeat their mistakes.
Thank you very much for your time, friend💝, I really appreciate it.
!LADY
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This is a nice write-up that explores the disasters going on in marriages today. In Africa especially in Nigeria it's been turned to a sort of norm to get married without courting just because your mates are getting married: this is awful.
I miss those days when love was love; feelings were mutual and truth prevailed over deceit.
Lovely write-up💯✨
Nigeria has always been like this, dear. They believe marriage is for everyone:))
Thank you for stopping by😊
In my society too, marriage is considered more to be a social need than a journey of personal fulfillment. People keep on asking questions about when one would get married. They go weird and throw up their advice when they find someone unmarried at their set standard of age.
Like many other aspects of life individual differences count in when one should marry.
I agree that mere romance and intimacy is not enough to warrant a happy married life. Instead, the compatibility and acceptability play a great role.
It is a problem. Because this has made young people to be desperate, especially the women in their thirties.
But it is well anyway.
Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate your contribution 💝.
The aspect of marriage shouldn't be based on parental pressure. I know of a couple who did same and right now they are currently processing thier divorce papers. Both couples should have understanding of what they are going into before they do. Thanks for sharing.
Eyaa, I feel sorry for them. No one should be forced into marriage.
Thanks dear for stopping by💝.
Young people are encouraged to get married and begin families for the same reason young single men are encouraged to join a nation's armed forces as early as possible: it's the time to get mistakes out of the way.
I'm not saying that marriage itself is a mistake, but I am saying that it's better to discover those mistakes earlier rather than later. It's easier, for example, to be a first-time parent at 20 than at 30 or 40 or even 50. In the case of young single men, joining a nation's armed forces is preferable to joining a street gang which incentivizes incorrect behavior and values.
Compatibility between people is important, no matter the age. People need a reason to stay together beyond "for the sake of the children." Over time, looks fade, or "performance" becomes less, or accidents happen (such as loss of limbs). At worst, both young people decide they made a mistake and move on with their lives to later find more suitable mates. Once again, it's better to make this mistake as soon as possible rather than later in life.
Thank You very much for your insightful comment.
You know, I didn't think this way before now. I absolutely agree young people need experiences to be better. One can easily move on when there's still enough time to explore.
I believe relationship and courtship gives one opportunity to learn and have the experiences needed for a good union in the future.