Stupid amateur trying to DIY-replace an axe handle

So most of the wood at our new housesitting place is too large to fit into the stove, so I tried to find an axe in the toolshed for splitting the larger pieces. All I found was this:

Cute! But how?! I mean splitting log chunks with this? I needed a better idea, so I looked for a different handle, a more...sizeable one. No luck. All I found was a fresh one, or at least something that could technically qualify with a little bit of amateurish imagination...

So before thinking it all through for too long I decided to start. Make that baby fit... the axe head that is probably way too small to split wood anyway.

But luckily, I am an amateur and have very limited experience that would hold me back from trying!

Nice!

It was sort of funny using the old short axe handle to make itself obsolete. I went about it very carefully as to not draw its wrath on me once it would figure out my questionable intentions.

Eventually the new handle came sort of close to the target shape.

And yes, I had drawn on it before I started chipping away. It's just that I didn't factor in the reduced size of the drawing shape due to the blunt pencil. Ahahaha. Oh well, close enough!

On to the van! We have a handheld drill in there that is minute and a little ridiculous for non-artsy work, but better than filing the rest away manually... Laying my glorious work pieces out:

And preparing the monster drill of course!

Nope, scratch that. Go outside. There will be dust everywhere and that will be such a bitch when we move back into the van once this housesit-fairytale is over. Outside with your trusted double-taped camping chair workbench setup!

Well, one is the "table", the other "the artisan chair". Notice the trusty little power cable hooked up to our van's solar battery system. 12V independence from the power grid does come in handy more often than you think!

After a bit of filing with the artsy drill... I did get closer to making the handle fit.

And even closer.

Took a break, went into the house to get the hardcore PA for fat beats.

Back to work, a little more drill-filing and... better yes. But man, how long is this gonna take?

Screw it, I'm going manual. Get me an actual file. Anything. Even one of those you file steel with, I don't care or would know the difference without looking it up.

Yes! That did speed up things immensely just now. Now here is also some lovely griddy roughness on the surface, which my mind instantly promised me would lead to a better grip in the axe head. Whatever!

Filing a bit more and trying on the axe head.

Wow it even looks better on the pictures than in real life, ahaha. A born craftsman!

Money shot!

Well dude, no actually you suck. It doesn't even go in halfway!

So, more filing. And messing up the photo for all the nature clutter in the background.

Ok, so that's supposed to be it now? I guess so. Well, try it on again!

Check! Get a hammer and try to drive it in further, how far does it go?

Well, not quite... do more filing. But careful. Don't get rid of all your hard-earned results thus far!

Steady! Almost there now.

Looking good!

Yes, it's still an axe.

That is the same axe from a slightly different angle.

Alright, alright. Put the camera down, time to test it for realz! Try to split a piece!

Now just get it out and...

Well, who didn't see that coming? Get that thing out before you forget what you even attempted to achieve today! Use anything, like a metal wedge or something....

And that is the moment I decided to let it be for the day before I seriously hurt myself. I tried for an improv-axe repair and instead created an existential piece of art.

Not bad man, not bad.