How do You Maintain Balance in Your Relationships?
Is it brave or careless to be bare, or maybe scary? The answer to the question is subjective to everyone, I guess. But the truth is that I really don't care much. Well, I usually don't. I could cringe in the future, but I prefer to be honest with myself and journal my thoughts. Surely, I'd only share the safest parts of it all.
I have felt drawn away from people in the last couple of months, or at least in the last year. When I think of the fact that I haven't really been there for certain people, I just crawl back into my shell at the slightest chance I get to reach out to them. Counterintuitive, yes.
During the holidays, I knew to reach out to people and send my wishes—the ones I was close to, at least. The thought of it all—making the calls and sending texts—all seemed too laborious to carry out. I felt as though the holidays came and went in a flash. I brought myself to do what was necessary and reached out to a few, but reaching out to them was undebatable. And then I thought of something I'll try next time.
I wonder what happened to the guy who was so there for those he cared about, so much so that he'd set aside his own pain to alleviate that of another. I learned with time that the latter was unhealthy, though. It took bursting out and pushing someone away at some point to realise that sharing yours and being considerably vulnerable with people you say you trust matters to foster healthy relationships and maintain well-being.
Wait. I do know what happened. I started to grow older and let the things around me define how I feel and react. And so things like the pressure in school to fly high—that I put on myself—the need to never lack, and the fact that being considered "too nice" stung like a bee. People really get to watch what they say to people, though. Sheesh... But I am people as well, because I ain't no Mr. Perfecto.
I think something that stings even deeper for me is saying I'd do certain things and not follow up on them. It's different from making promises, though, as I really respect that; I never make them anyway. I've been assessing myself lately and then realising that I am way different from what I'd like to be scared the hell out of me. "Woah. I need to check that." I said, startled by the realisation.
You know, one time, someone asked me how I never really had mirrors around. They wondered how I check myself every day before leaving. I, on the other hand, considered it a tad bit absurd that it really was expected of me to consider it really important to have a mirror around as a guy.
Of course, it was a lady who asked, simply because she was appalled by the fact that she really couldn't check herself whenever she came around. I'd just often smile and ask her to carry her gigantic mirror around, then. And then we'd both laugh at my sarcasm.
Good old times, but I really should have a mirror. Well, I have one small one now, but I am talking about life mirrors. It's totally unrelated to the remarks I had been given before about mirrors, but considering the circumstances in our lives, don't we all need life mirrors?
Taking moments to reflect on our thoughts, decisions, and actions and taking what's unhealthy away from the healthy is pretty important. Moving forward in time without self-assessment could be dangerous. Mistakes could be repeated.
Back to reconnecting with people, I used to think I was doing alright, until I realised at some point that I really wasn't all that great. I mean, I do consider that certain people do not exactly give the same energy that they once did or that they aren't thinking of reaching out to me as I do of them.
Everyone's got their lives and individual issues, I guess. But I think it's okay to not be all caught up in your cloud sometimes and just check on people, and maybe feel even better eventually, you know.
What's the best way to maintain healthy and thriving relationships with people? I am not sure I have the answer, but I do know that I am liberal enough to listen to ideas, experiences, and diverse kinds of conversations. Until then, here's yet another journal in the year 2024.
The photo of some random guy here belongs to me
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A lot of change happens with time. A person’s entire persona or way of life can change in days - if the days are eventful enough.
Someone told me a while back that whiles it’s important to have a sense of self that you envision yourself becoming, what’s more important is to stay on course and try to be a step closer to becoming that person no matter how many relapses you have(because you’ll have quite a few for sure, especially if you plan to make a big change)
Deep
Relapses happen. Life happens like that and they come along, man. I guess that makes sense; if I go a step back and two steps forward, that's moving forward at the end of the day.
Speaking of life, we haven't talked much after your service year. How are those things you were working on now?
So far so good, man. I don’t have to worry about job prospects anymore cos I’ve decided I’ll be going back to school after this two-year contract I’m working. The hustle right now is deciding where to go and figuring out how to fund it. I’ve got almost everything else figured out.
Going back to school? That's awesome, man. I understand how the hustle drives one around. At the very least, you've got things almost figured out. That's really great to know.
Wait wait! By saying life mirrors which thing are you referring to.
The first thing is.... in order to balance relationships with others you need to maintain your relationship with yourself- a healthy, understanding and compassionate one.
With regards to other people in life I have come to understand that there is a very small quantity (limited to a few people only) with whom we should care for the strength in relationship. Other are pretty temporary. Everyone gets bussier in life and settle different priorities. Give people the space they want from you.
And DO NOT impose all the responsibility on you to remain connected. I mean connections should be genuine but not imposed
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Hmm...I actually meant life mirror, as in a way to check and assess oneself.
Thinking about your words now, I guess I am the one placing myself in a tight spot by imposing the responsibility all on myself. Maybe people should indeed get the space that they want. Never even looked at it that way before. But it makes sense. My priority should be maintaining a relationship with myself—a healthy one—in order to reflect that in the ones with people.
Thank you for this, Amber! Happy New year to you.
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@olujay...
I've yet to visit one of your posts in our community. A little bird reminded me to visit one more time...
Very truthful words here. I think we can get so wrapped up in helping folks... that we forget about the end goal. So many times, we lose our focus... Just being open minded, and letting the solution happen naturally. Will end up being a happy medium...
Gosh... a happy medium! I'll try to swing by more often... see what your next Thoughtful post teaches us...
Wes...
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I learned about your full plate when you talked about it one time on PYPT by @shadowspub. I have always looked forward to finally meeting you both someday, but I totally understand how life can be sometimes.
Deep, Wes. Letting loose and living in day tight compartments—focusing today and worrying less about the past and future—can be liberating, enough to let things just FLOW.
Now that I am thrilled to have you come by. I hope you finally found that double-wide modular, and that your health's been improving. Thank you for the massive support on my post. Dinner is set!
Reaching out to people is like a huge task for me now. Sometimes you try to check in on someone and they even piss you off.
Most often people tend to forget that we all have our separate lives to live and they could also check up on you once in a while. Relationships are not meant to be one sided.
I’d just say, dealing with people is not as easy as it looks so why not focus on myself and roll with the few people that I click with. Ease.🙂
Boy, oh boy. I do hate when I am made to regret reaching out to someone. It happens, but then I just rule the person off from my "list of people to be concerned about." After all, both people at the ends of the rope are usually at fault for not having regular connections as things like this are two-way streets.
Dealing with people really isn't easy. Truth is, it's not all easy and rosy out there and people are going through things. It gets more and more daunting to navigate interactions these days.
That’s why I prefer to be in my lane. Everyone should dey his dey.😅
When you understand that the people in your life are not as close to you as they were, you'll know that life has hit them. Most people don't focus on keeping friends; what they're pursuing is bigger than that. You can't blame them; they don't want to be left behind when others are moving.
Some individuals are too preoccupied with setting their lives straight, achieving their goals. So, if they don't check up on you like they used to, you can always do it instead, of course it won’t hurt. But people only check up on those they’re close with.
Truth be told, that fear of being left behind is real. And trying to catch up with the world tends to make one think more of themselves alone. It's not all easy navigating it all, really.
After all, someone's got to do it if some connection is going to happen. And of course, it doesn't hurt.
One time, I used to check up on people that I really wasn't that close with. But then, I was way younger then, and I started to realise how weirder it got as we aged. Now, as it should be, it's just those that I am close with.
I am curious about your circle—if you wouldn't mind—if it's large or small, and your ways of showing them support.
I have a small one. It makes it easier for me to catch up on how they are doing.
They all know we are trying to hustle because we want to leave the world better than we found it.
Therefore, the way we show one another support is mostly finding time to visit or do a long call.
Very very long calls - Two to two & half hour. At that rate, we will talk about everything and nothing. ☺️
Oh, yes. I know that. At the very least, you all are in each others hearts and catch up whenever you can. It all comes down to understanding at the end of the day.
Understanding. That's the word!!!