Statements that Make or Mar

I was talking to a close friend yesterday, and when she asked my opinion on something. I gave her my response and she seemed pleased. Then, we still talked, only for her to tell me she's pissed. I asked her what it was and she said she asked someone else for their opinion on it, and the person rubbished the whole idea. I tried my best to get her mind off of it, and at the same time, was reminded of a certain experience I had at work.

I worked on a project and this guy, peeked at my screen to look at what I was doing. He looked at it and was like, is this what you're actually working on? You know the next thing he did. He tapped the guy sitting next to him and called him to come see what I did. Laughing. They both peered into my work and he began pointing out things I should have done as against things I shouldn't have. He was criticizing in such a condescending way, it felt like I had created something so absurd, it should be kept away from humanity.

I was pissed, and hurt at the same time because what did creating something not up to his standard have to do with laughing. And to think that this was someone I planned on having a good work relationship with, since he seemed to be well versed in the field. The irony!

People like these are one of the worsts to look up to. Unless, of course, you're very ready to grovel at their feet, and gladly accept whatever names they call you. Why degrade someone's work to an extent they begin reconsidering if asking you was the right option? It's not fair. Emotional unavailability has now become a thing in this world we live in. People now see it as very okay to respond however they like to situations that demand thoughtfulness.

I'm a creative, you're a creative. Would you feel pleased if the tables were turned and I go ahead to call your work effortless, boring and whatever undermining name there is? And please don't even tell me 'you have toughened your mind to accept anything'. It is impossible to toughen your mind against rejection. You can only master how to handle it. There are very subtle yet clear ways to pass your message across to others. This is someone's brain child we're talking about here and to some people, their feelings to it is equivalent to that of a real child. Just imagine you gave birth to a child and someone says to your face 'This child of yours is ugly'. Even if you know deep within you, that you're the prettiest person on earth, that person indirectly tells you that you and the father, both have ugly genes in you. Is that something anyone would be pleased to hear?

I've happened to meet so many emotionally unintelligent people in my life and everytime they do something insensitive, I always remind myself that not everybody thinks the way I do. This emotional intelligence I'm talking about, also applies to random conversations. You can't be meeting someone for the first time, and you're having a conversation, then the person say's something and you respond with 'You are crazy'. That definitely should not be. You and your friend group might see it as normal but they're not your friend group.

If they then correct you, let you know they aren't comfortable with terms like that, you'll say 'They're too uptight'. How does respecting each other's boundaries come across as being uptight? Where did all traces of politeness and manners go to? Just because you're older or think you're more mature, you call out a kid in front of his peers, to tell him that he needs to get himself a perfume, because he stinks. To you, you feel that's the best and probably the most effective way to pass the message across but at what cost? His peers might be mature enough to not laugh or taunt him over it but it'll haunt him anytime someone cracks a joke about a particular experience around him.

Actions like these, although very easy to overlook, they do bear grave consequences. I was talking to someone one day about how hurtful these type of things are, and they went ahead to say "We're Nigerians. Things like that shouldn't be getting to us". Well, keep thinking that way and see the amount of people losing their self-esteem to insensitive statements. Keep believing that and watch the amount of people losing their will to live, double up.

So please, let's do better for the people around us, emotionally.

Cheers.

Images are mine.

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