Shame counts

One thing I do a lot, when it comes to friendships, is discuss very shameful things we’ve done. There’s usually so much to laugh about everytime we gather to reminisce. Somehow, among my friends, I’ve always had the highest shame count, as I’d term it, for lack of a better word.

I’ve done so many embarrassing things, and also made stupid mistakes. And you know what tops all these, i hate cringing. The mere memory of a stupid thing i did, has goosebumps of shame, racking through me. I just don’t like it. I could make a mistake in few minutes, and it’ll continue to haunt me over a year after.

I like to believe that no one saw a setback, and purposely went for it. Circumstances led to it. Situations where we didn’t know better. People make mistakes out of ignorance, so there’s no reason why we should let it haunt us for long period of times.

There was a time in my life, where I had denied someone I loved something, and before I knew it, he died. The mere thought of thinking about him, without imagining whether things would have changed, if I had simply succumbed to his request that night, was a hassle. I tortured myself a lot, constantly questioning if I deserved anything I was having at the moment, when someone else had lost everything.

It took years of listening to other people’s situations, schooling my thoughts to accept the fact that life happens, and we can’t predict it, before I was able to get out of that situation. I was stuck, back then. I wasn’t ready to advise myself, nor was I willing to be advised. Like they say, ‘the best person to advise you, is you’. In most of these situations, it’s till you realize how futile it is, carrying about unnecessary weight from the same mistake other people have made, amd not getting to live because of it, that you’ll find your own way out.

Perfection isn’t ours. It never has been. A costly mistake doesn’t signal the end of the world. Continue to remind yourself of the good times, and forge ahead. There’s no reason to dwell in the past. There’s no reward in fixating on a past experience, or judging yourself by standards society has set. The fact that you aren’t on the same frequency as your peers, doesn’t mean that one is a loser. It’s just not your time yet.

So, be patient, and continue to love yourself the way you would want to be loved. If I had any advice to give to someone who is still being hard on him or her self, the little thing I’d say, is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself because it’s your first time living and you didn’t know better. It’s never too late to start all over, and this time with those past mistakes, you’d get an experience no teacher could have ever given you. It is best to just shed the previous weight, and embrace another side to you.

Thanks for reading.

Image above was taken by me.