RELATIONSHIP: DISRESPECT AND INFIDELITY

People illustrations by Storyset

So I spent a significant part of my day talking to my mum about a number of things (my siblings, the church, community, etc). However, our conversation veered toward the relationship and she narrated a story which I want to share.

Now, we were basically talking about the church and community when she brought up this story about an acquaintance of hers. This said lady (whom I knew) always had something negative to say about her husband. She would lament about how little he was doing for her. This was a man who, in her own words, was taking care of the family (paying rent, covering their kids' school fees, and basic household expenses), but that was not enough for her.

I am usually sceptical about people who publicly speak poorly of their partner (especially to their friends and family). It is often a sign of disrespect and a mockery of the said person. Most people tend to forget that their partners are a reflection of the quality of their choices. So if you do end up terrible people there is a chance you are one as well.

There have been only two times I have discussed anything about my partner with my family. Those were the few times we had issues and I still do regret it. I understand that I might forgive my partner and we move on, but whoever I shared our issues with may never and that might impact how they view my partner.

My partner might be the most horrible person in the world (she is not) but you would never hear such from my mouth. I believe in protecting her image by default because she is an extension of myself. If there is ever a time I would have to say anything negative about her it should be in her presence where she can defend herself. This is how I think relationships should work.

It is totally disrespectful to put your partner down (publicly or privately), and I do not think you can love someone you disrespect. My theory is that a person who is constantly putting their partner down probably has someone you are comparing them to or is entertaining the thought of being with someone else. That was the case of the woman who I spoke about early.

My mum's acquaintance was cheating on her husband with another man. When her husband discovered and everything became public, the lady decided to take her life because she would not deal with the shame and guilt. She left behind two daughters and a broken husband.

I don't know the woman's side of the story, although my mum mentioned that the said lady acknowledged her husband's effort (she only complained about him not giving her money), I think this is a sad case of covetousness. She wanted more than then she had and went the wrong way about getting it.

The lesson here (for me) is that an unsatisfied partner is a disaster about to happen. You either mitigate it by satisfying the said need or move away. Unfortunately, most people want more than you can possibly give. In the case of this man he was doing right by his family but that wasn't enough for his wife.

Also when your partner starts talking negatively about you in public (to their friends, family, etc) chances are that relationship is irredeemable. Respect and trust are often the hardest things to reclaim when lost in a relationship. So if you truly are at that point in your relationship I honestly think it isn't worth salvaging because even if you are able to resolve things with your partner, your image is forever tainted in the eyes of your friends and family who offend have the most influence on them. This is just my take.

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